Self-Sufficient? Prideful?

God has been rocking my pride lately. It’s not hard, though, because I am an unbelievably prideful person. So it doesn’t take much to rock my pride. It’s out there, and it’s touchy (which happens to be the nature of pride), so it gets knocked around easily.

My pride comes out in different ways, at opposite ends of the spectrum. I seem to alternate between worry and anxiety (of great proportions) to arrogance to judging others. All pride. The end.

In community group a couple weeks ago, we were sharing about what God was doing in our lives. I shared that I was dealing with the pride He had been revealing in all aspects of my life. Joey, our leader, asked, “So what are you doing about that? How are you dealing with it?” That was awesome, because usually when you share what God is telling/teaching you, people just accept your answer and don’t follow up – like if you have an answer to that question you’re doing all you can and there’s no room for improvement. There is definite room for improvement in my life.

I talked about how I wasn’t really sure how to deal with my pride, but that I had been trying to speak Truth to myself and remind myself of God’s Word, especially on pride. That was true, but I hadn’t been doing a great job of it. I had little to no direction in regards to what Truth to speak to myself.

God is awesome.

Last week in the sermon, Matt (or maybe it was Scott at the end) said something to the effect of, “When I am prideful, it is unbelief. I am saying I do not believe God is who He says He is and can do what He says He can do.”

Whoa. I know, right. I mean, I would never say something like that to God…right? Well I have been…pretty much on a daily basis.

I have been praying this week about my pride, self-sufficiency, and belief in God, especially with regards to my anxiety. So what does God do this week? That’s right, kids, He starts throwing anxiety-inducing bombs at me. (It’s like what one of my youth leaders used to say – “Pray for patience, and God will give you opportunities to be patient.”)

So God gave me wonderful opportunities this week to claim my dependence on Him and give my anxiety and worry over to Him, and since this has been the focus of a great majority of my spiritual life lately, I passed this little test with flying colors, right? Nope. But don’t worry, I failed really big. If you’re going to do something, do it all the way. Go big or go home, right? Oh, I didn’t go home, that’s for sure. Let’s just say the “peak” was a slight breakdown in my car a couple days ago – tears and everything.

I’m sure God was just like, “Are you serious? Didn’t we just discuss this, this morning? Why can’t you ever just trust me with out all of these tears and freak outs?” Ok, so that’s what I would say if I was God looking at me. I’d be tempted to throw my hands up and walk away.

God is so awesome.

He didn’t throw His hands up and walk away. He did the opposite. He comforted me and showed me His amazing grace.

I was journaling again this morning about all of my worries about the future. Once I got all of that out, I decided to go through more of the material from “Foundations” (from my church). As I’m reading through the introduction to the prayer section, I came across the following:

“…we all struggle with self-sufficiency and independence. Self-sufficient people have no need for anything bigger than themselves, and thus, their prayer life is stifled!”

“If we lose sight of His holiness, sovereignty, goodness, and love, then we rely on our own abilities and we only turn to God when we have failed or disastrous circumstances strike.”

My focus is never to be on my abilities or me. It is to be on God. I do such a bad job of that on a daily basis that God continually pushes me out of my comfort zone, further into the deep end, where I have no choice but to cling to Him.

I am so thankful for His grace and His love that continually comes after me…even when I’m too busy staring in the mirror or taking inventory of my abilities. It doesn’t matter what abilities I have. It doesn’t matter how my abilities match up with my current situation. “For when I am weak, then I am strong” because God says, “My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12.9-10)

I want to see God’s power. I want to see God’s power in my life. So I will boast in my weakness (or try to) and focus on His power.

Praise be to you, O Lord,

God of our father Israel,

From everlasting to everlasting.

Yours, O Lord, is the greatness and the power

And the glory and the majesty and the splendor,

For everything in heaven and earth is yours.

Yours, O Lord, is the kingdom;

You are exalted as head over all.

Wealth and honor come from you;

You are the ruler of all things.

In your hands are strength and power

To exalt and give strength to all.

Now, our God, we give you thanks,

And praise your glorious name.

1 Chronicles 29.10-13

Personality (Part 3)

The test results also gave a link to an essay on Idealists (those possessing the iNtuitive and Feeling Character traits). Again I’ve highlighted in blue some things I think apply most to me. Feel free to comment.

All Idealists (NFs) share the following core characteristics:

Idealists are enthusiastic, they trust their intuition, yearn for romance, seek their true self, prize meaningful relationships, and dream of attaining wisdom.

Idealists pride themselves on being loving, kindhearted, and authentic.

Idealists tend to be giving, trusting, spiritual, and they are focused on personal journeys and human potentials.

Idealists make intense mates, nurturing parents, and inspirational leaders.

Idealists, as a temperament, are passionately concerned with personal growth and development. Idealists strive to discover who they are and how they can become their best possible self -- always this quest for self-knowledge and self-improvement drives their imagination. And they want to help others make the journey. Idealists are naturally drawn to working with people, and whether in education or counseling, in social services or personnel work, in journalism or the ministry, they are gifted at helping others find their way in life, often inspiring them to grow as individuals and to fulfill their potentials.

Idealists are sure that friendly cooperation is the best way for people to achieve their goals. Conflict and confrontation upset them because they seem to put up angry barriers between people. Idealists dream of creating harmonious, even caring personal relations, and they have a unique talent for helping people get along with each other and work together for the good of all. Such interpersonal harmony might be a romantic ideal, but then Idealists are incurable romantics who prefer to focus on what might be, rather than what is. The real, practical world is only a starting place for Idealists; they believe that life is filled with possibilities waiting to be realized, rich with meanings calling out to be understood. This idea of a mystical or spiritual dimension to life, the "not visible" or the "not yet" that can only be known through intuition or by a leap of faith, is far more important to Idealists than the world of material things.

Highly ethical in their actions, Idealists hold themselves to a strict standard of personal integrity. They must be true to themselves and to others, and they can be quite hard on themselves when they are dishonest, or when they are false or insincere. More often, however, Idealists are the very soul of kindness. Particularly in their personal relationships, Idealists are without question filled with love and good will. They believe in giving of themselves to help others; they cherish a few warm, sensitive friendships; they strive for a special rapport with their children; and in marriage they wish to find a "soulmate," someone with whom they can bond emotionally and spiritually, sharing their deepest feelings and their complex inner worlds.

Idealists are relatively rare, making up no more than 15 to 20 percent of the population. But their ability to inspire people with their enthusiasm and their idealism has given them influence far beyond their numbers.

Princess Diana, Joan Baez, Albert Schweitzer, Bill Moyers, Eleanor Roosevelt, Mohandas Gandhi, Mikhael Gorbachev, and Oprah Winfrey are examples of Idealists

This came from:

http://keirsey.com/handler.aspx?s=keirsey&f=fourtemps&tab=3&c=overview

Personality (Part 2)

The first link the personality test results gave me was to an essay on my specific personality type. I have highlighted in blue the things I think most apply to me. I think other people often do a better job of seeing aspects of your personality, though, and can tell you how you are perceived. So I’d love to hear your perspective. If you see things in this that you think really apply (or maybe don’t apply at all) to me, leave a comment.

And, again, if you want to put a link to your blog results of your test, leave it in the comments section.

Counselors (INFJ) have an exceptionally strong desire to contribute to the welfare of others, and find great personal fulfillment interacting with people, nurturing their personal development, guiding them to realize their human potential. Although they are happy working at jobs (such as writing) that require solitude and close attention, Counselors do quite well with individuals or groups of people, provided that the personal interactions are not superficial, and that they find some quiet, private time every now and then to recharge their batteries. Counselors are both kind and positive in their handling of others; they are great listeners and seem naturally interested in helping people with their personal problems. Not usually visible leaders, Counselors prefer to work intensely with those close to them, especially on a one-to-one basis, quietly exerting their influence behind the scenes.

Counselors are scarce, little more than one percent of the population, and can be hard to get to know, since they tend not to share their innermost thoughts or their powerful emotional reactions except with their loved ones. They are highly private people, with an unusually rich, complicated inner life. Friends or colleagues who have known them for years may find sides emerging which come as a surprise. Not that Counselors are flighty or scattered; they value their integrity a great deal, but they have mysterious, intricately woven personalities which sometimes puzzle even them.

Counselors tend to work effectively in organizations. They value staff harmony and make every effort to help an organization run smoothly and pleasantly. They understand and use human systems creatively, and are good at consulting and cooperating with others. As employees or employers, Counselors are concerned with people's feelings and are able to act as a barometer of the feelings within the organization.

Blessed with vivid imaginations, Counselors are often seen as the most poetical of all the types, and in fact they use a lot of poetic imagery in their everyday language. Their great talent for language-both written and spoken-is usually directed toward communicating with people in a personalized way. Counselors are highly intuitive and can recognize another's emotions or intentions - good or evil - even before that person is aware of them. Counselors themselves can seldom tell how they came to read others' feelings so keenly.

Mohandas Gandhi, Sidney Poitier, Eleanor Roosevelt, Jane Goodall, Emily Bronte, Sir Alec Guiness, Carl Jung, Mary Baker Eddy, Queen Noor are examples of the Counselor Idealist (INFJ).

This came from:

http://keirsey.com/handler.aspx?s=keirsey&f=fourtemps&tab=3&c=counselor

Personality (Part 1)

So I’ve been going through materials from “Foundations” at Grace Church (it’s a study on the core values of my church). In looking at the ‘Relationally Connected’ section, one of the suggestions for growth was to take a personality test to see how you might relate to others and how others perceive you. Well, that stuff is so interesting to me, and since yet another of Greenville’s famous blizzards has given me the day off work, I decided to take a couple online tests.

These things really get more interesting every time I look at them. God is amazing. He creates us all so uniquely and purposefully (Psalm 139.13-16). He even gave psychologists amazing and inquisitive brains to study people and come up with personality types. I am so thankful for the work that people have put in to help me learn more about myself and why I do/think the way I do.

The first test I took (and liked the best) is here if you want to take it (it doesn’t take long):

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp

The results told me I was INFJ (which I think I knew from a previous test). Specifically, according to this test, I am Moderately/33% Introverted, Moderately/38% iNtuitive, Moderately/38% Feeling, and Very/78% Judging.

The results were interesting, but most interesting to me were the short essays/explanations of my personality type that the test results gave me links to. God has been speaking to me a lot lately about my abilities and Spiritual Gifts (which are two different/separate things), and I have been praying about how these gifts are to be used. I’ve been asking God to show me how He wants to work through me and through the gifts He has given me. I feel like the insight into my personality type will help me analyze myself and continue to pray through using my gifts.

I don’t want to write a huge post, but I do want to post the results. So I think I’m going to break it up into a few manageable chunks and post them separately. If you have some time to take the test and want to put it on your blog (or Facebook note), post the link here so we can read them. I think it would be interesting to see.

What Do You Think?

I need some advice. I’m seeing this guy and it seems to be going well when we’re together. We have fun. He treats me well. He says he’s “falling for” me and I know I am “falling for” him. I think he might be the one.

But there is a problem.

He’s also dating 3 or 4 other girls, and things seem to be going just as well for each of them. They all think they’re “falling for” him and he thinks he’s “falling for” each of them. He takes them out on dates and treats them well, also. He doesn’t try to hide it from me, or any of them, for that matter. We all know about each other.

I just don’t know what to do. I really like him. What do you think I should do?

Ok, seriously, if anyone came to you with this story, would you not tell her to dump that sleazy creep? I would. What “friend” would let someone keep dating a guy who is stringing along several girls at once? That is not ok.

So, the fact that it’s on national television makes it better? I think not. So why is The Bachelor/Bachelorette so popular? And why would anyone want to be on that show and put themselves through that?

Fear

Do not be afraid...

- Deuteronomy 31.6

There is so much fear everywhere. It surrounds us. There’s fear of disease; fear of money problems; fear of relationships; fear of job loss. I could go on and on. We are such a fearful culture, and really even a fearful world. Our fear actually leads to poor heath and even disease.

We spend so much time and energy on fear. In talking about fear, I once heard someone speak to how unreasonable fear is. He said that we spend so much time fearing things that probably won’t even happen. If you really think about it, that’s true.

So why do we fear?

I believe it comes down to hope and trust. Where do you place your hope? Where do you place your trust? Is it in you and your abilities? When I fear the most, I have typically placed my hope and trust in myself.

What’s wrong with placing your hope and trust in yourself?

You can be the smartest, strongest, most talented person alive, and if you place your hope and trust in yourself, you will fear. Why? Because no matter how talented you are, there are things beyond your control. And if the situation is out of your control, it doesn’t matter how talented or smart you are.

So where do we place our hope and trust that won’t ultimately end in fear? We place it in the Lord. In a do-it-yourself, self-confident, independent society, this is completely counter-cultural. Giving up our hope and trust means surrendering the control we think we have, and that is probably considered crazy by most. But that is what the Lord calls us to do.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding

- Proverbs 3.5

Lean not on your own understanding? That sounds crazy. We’re taught by our culture that if you work hard and use your talents and maybe do some good, things will (or should) work out for you. But God says that’s not the case.

God wants to take our fears off of our shoulders. He wants to free us of the burden of control and fear. God knows how hard it is to give up our control, and to give Him our trust, so He promises something in return.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

- Philippians 4.6-7

Peace. That’s a rare word in today’s culture, but what a comforting word. I don’t think anyone – regardless of belief, background, or circumstances – doesn’t like the thought of peace.

As follower of Christ, I know the peace that comes in giving Him control and trusting in Him. I also know the pain, anxiety, and turmoil that results in clinging tightly to control that will ultimately elude me. I prefer peace.

True, lasting peace only comes through a relationship with Jesus Christ. It begins with recognition of our sin and our need for forgiveness that can only be met in Him. Beginning a relationship with Christ is easy, but is the most important decision you will ever make. Jesus says He is the only way to the Father, and it is only by relinquishing control that we can know His peace.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

- John 14.27

Some New Lyrics

So, it's been awhile since I've updated this thing, but I'm going to try to do better...To get things started again, here are lyrics to a song I've been listening to a lot lately.

"What Do I Know of Holy" - Addison Road

I made You promises a thousand times
I tried to hear from Heaven
But I talked the whole time
I think I made You too small
I never feared You at all No
If You touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes could I behold You?

(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees

(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

(CHORUS 2)
What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life "its" name?
What do I know of Holy?
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows Your name
On earth and heaven above
What do I know of this love?

(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of Holy?