So True...

My friend sent me an email with a bunch of random thoughts. They are so true and so funny. I think several of them cross my mind everyday. Here are some favorites:

- I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was
younger.

- There is great need for a sarcasm font.

- Was learning cursive really necessary?

- Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty
sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

- I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

- Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't
want to have to restart my collection...again. (For me, this is DVD. I haven't stepped up to Blue Ray yet.)

- I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me
if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I
did not make any changes to.

- "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this -
ever.

- I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?...nothing), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing
anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

- I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
answer when they call.

- Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and
suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

- I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand
than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and
hunger.

- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod
and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up
to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and
sisters!

- Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,
and you can wear them forever.

- There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are
going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

- Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not
know what time it is.

- Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car
keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the
Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

Ramblin' About Running

So I ran, and I use that term loosely, my first (and possibly only) half marathon last Saturday. It was hard. It was painful. I learned a lot.

First off, I should start by telling those of you who don’t know me very well that I don’t like to lose. It’s one of the worst feelings, to me. I don’t enjoy doing things that I’m bad at or struggle with. Sometimes, if I don’t think I’m going to be good at something, I just won’t do it. I know what you’re thinking, “Wow, that’s really arrogant.” But let me explain…it is; you’re right.

So when some friends and I decided to sign up for this race in December, I immediately set my goal at being the best, being first. Now, when we signed up for this race, I was, by far, the slowest, least experienced, basically worst runner among us. That didn’t matter to me, though. I do things to win; to be the best. And I had every intention of being the best at this, too.

As I started running more than I have ever run in my life, I began to realize this was going to be hard – much harder than I thought. And I think we all know that’s just not fair. I like a challenge, but it’s not supposed to be “hard.” I should have to work at it, but with a little work it should come easily, right? No. You see, because of my previous rule of not doing things I’m not good at, I rarely do things that don’t come easily or naturally. Unless something or someone is chasing me, running doesn’t come naturally. I’d like to blame my parents (and that would be totally legit), but this isn’t about them.

I did train for this run, but I was not as disciplined as I should have been. There’s no need for details, but let’s just say I could have trained harder. But I didn’t. So now it’s race day. I know what you’re thinking, “I bet your natural athleticism and the adrenaline carried you through in record time to the finish.” Nope. I struggled through about 11 of the 13.1 miles. (By the way, that last 0.1 is really the worst. I think if I ever run another one, I’m going to run the 0.1 miles at the beginning instead of the end.)

James says that trials produce steadfastness, which makes us complete and lacking in nothing (James 1.2-4). Paul says that sufferings produce endurance, which in turn produces character (Romans 5.3-5). I must have a pretty complete character after that race. There were a lot of trials and sufferings that day.

So what was the result? Every single one of my friends who ran beat me. Two of them beat me by about 45 minutes.

It was humbling, to say the least. God has been revealing so much pride in my life lately, and I have been asking Him to humble me. He obviously took that request seriously.

Three years ago, maybe even a year and a half ago, I don’t think I would have been able to talk about it. I would have been so mad. I’m not sure I would have even ended up running the race if I thought I was going to do so poorly. Now, don’t get me wrong, this is difficult for me to write about. I still don’t like losing or, in my eyes, failing. I don’t think I’ll ever be ok with it. It’s just that now it doesn’t weigh as heavily on me as it used to.

So why can I write about it now? What changed? I just grew as a person and matured to this point on my own, right? Not a chance. I think I’ve revealed enough character flaws in these few paragraphs (and don’t worry there are more that weren’t mentioned) for you to know that I didn’t get here on my own.

Thankfully, God doesn’t expect us to do it on our own. He knows we can’t. He loves helping His children “lay aside every weight” (Hebrews 12.1). He loves taking our burdens (Psalm 55.22) and giving us His light burden (Matthew 11.29-30). It’s easier if we will let go of the burdens when He tries to take them, but He loves us so much that He will rip them out of our hands, if need be.

Obviously this isn’t just about running or even losing a race. We know that, “while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come” (1 Timothy 4.8). I said before that I was not disciplined in my race training. That had an effect on the short race last weekend. But we know that we’re all running a longer, much more significant race (Hebrews 12.1-2) that has eternal implications. The training and discipline we subject ourselves to in this life will affect our life to come. I don’t want to stand before my Heavenly Father, the Creator of the Universe, and tell Him that disciplining myself for the blink of lifetime on earth was just too hard or didn’t come naturally, so I just didn’t do it. I don’t want to tell Him that because I wasn’t great at it, and because I kept failing, I just decided not to do it at all.

He loves me regardless, though. My actions or lack thereof cannot change God’s love for me. They cannot change the sacrifice of Jesus Christ on the cross to save my soul. But knowing that, why would I not want to discipline myself to be more like Him? Why would I not want to use everything He has given me to bring glory to Him? Why would I not want to do everything I could for Him to one day hear Him say, “Well done, good and faithful servant” (Matthew 25.14-30)?

To the Cross I Cling

We've been singing this awesome song in church recently, and I needed to share it.

To the Cross I Cling

- Matt Boswell and Michael Bleecker

No day of my life has passed that has not

Proved me guilty in your sight

The best that I have to offer are these filthy rags

And yet you love me

All things in me call for my rejection

All things in You plead my acceptance

I am guilty but pardoned by grace I’ve been set free

I am ransomed through the blood you shed for me

I was dead in my transgressions, but life you brought to me

I am reconciled through m e r c y, to the cross I cling

No more am I a slave to sin but

Bought with a price

Redemption that was purchased through the blessed cross

That You bore for me

All things in me call for my rejection

All things in You plead my acceptance

I am guilty but pardoned by grace I’ve been set free

I am ransomed through the blood you shed for me

I was dead in my transgressions, but life you brought to me

I am reconciled through m e r c y, to the cross I cling

All things in me call for my rejection

All things in You plead my acceptance

All things in me call for my rejection

All things in You plead my acceptance

All things in me call for my rejection

All things in You plead my acceptance

All things in me call for my rejection

All things in You plead my acceptance

I am guilty but pardoned by grace I’ve been set free

I am ransomed through the blood you shed for me

I was dead in my transgressions, but life you brought to me

I am reconciled through m e r c y, to the cross I cling

If you haven't heard it, you need to. You can listen here.

My First Race

I'm definitely not a "real" runner - still just a runner poser, but now I have my first official race bib. I completed my first race this past weekend - the Cooper River Bridge Run (10K). I finished in pretty average time, I think (1:02:09), but I'm just glad I finished. I hope to be able to say "I finished" after the Country Music Half Marathon next month.

I'm learning a lot about discipline through this training, and hoping to actually be disciplined in the next month leading up to the half. Always trying to remember, though:

Physical training is good, but training for godliness is much better, promising benefits in this life and in the life to come. - 1 Timothy 4:8

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. - Hebrews 12:1-2

PS - As I said, I'm not a real runner. If you want to read the blog of a real runner, check out my friend, Jennifer's blog.

Personality (Part 4)

Last weekend, my friend (and I use the term loosely now - kidding), April and I were talking about different personality types. She had read my previous blogs on personality types, and did a little more research. She was giving me more insight into my personality (INFJ). She decided to begin with my negative personality traits, because, as she informed me, there were so many of them. In fact, there are many more negative traits for my type than hers, and there are more negative traits than positive ones - according to her research. Not to worry, though, April tells me that I have a lot of potential if I can just overcome these flaws. I'm so thankful that she worked so hard researching this so I can give you the following excerpt:

Potential Problem Areas

With any gift of strength, there is an associated weakness. Without "bad", there would be no "good". Without "difficult", there would be no "easy". We value our strengths, but we often curse and ignore our weaknesses. To grow as a person and get what we want out of life, we must not only capitalize upon our strengths, but also face our weaknesses and deal with them. That means taking a hard look at our personality type's potential problem areas.

INFJs are rare and intelligent people with many special gifts. This should be kept in mind as you read some of the more negative material about INFJ weaknesses. Remember that these weaknesses are natural. We offer this information to enact positive change, rather than as blatant criticism. We want you to grow into your full potential, and be the happiest and most successful person that you can become.

Most of the weaker characteristics that are found in INFJs are due to their dominant function (Introverted iNtuition) overtaking their personality to the point that the other forces in their personality exist merely to serve the purposes of Introverted iNtuition. In such cases, an INFJ may show some or all of the following weaknesses in varying degrees:

• May be unaware (and sometimes uncaring) of how they come across to others
• May quickly dismiss input from others without really considering it
• May apply their judgment more often towards others, rather than towards themselves
• With their ability to see an issue from many sides, they may always find others at fault for any problems in their lives
• May have unrealistic and/or unreasonable expectations of others
• May be intolerant of weaknesses in others
• May believe that they're always right
• May be obsessive and passionate about details that may be unimportant to the big picture
• May be cuttingly derisive and sarcastic towards others
• May have an intense and quick temper
• May be tense, wound up, have high blood pressure and find it difficult to relax
• May hold grudges, and have difficulty forgiving people
• May be wishy-washy and unsure how to act in situations that require quick decision making
• May have difficulty communicating their thoughts and feelings to others
• May see so many tangents everywhere that they can't stay focused on the bottom line or the big picture

(Taken from http://www.personalitypage.com/INFJ_per.html)

In all seriousness, though, it's crucial to recognize the negative aspects of our personalities just as we recognize the positive ones. It helps us to see how other people might perceive us and how we could offend or hurt people without knowing it. Looking at how certain spiritual gifts could be abused helped me recognize gifts I didn't know I had.

As I look at this list, I realize that many of them are things I struggle with. God has done a tremendous work in me and has redeemed me graciously. The process of sanctification is not done, though, so I still fail in many of the ways listed above. But April is right, I can overcome these flaws...but not in my own power. It is only when I surrender everything - gifts, flaws, abilities, failures - to the Lord that He will work through me and in me.

"So God created man in his own image,

in the image of God he created him;

male and female he created them"

- Genesis 1.27

We were made in the image of God - perfection. When sin entered the world, that perfection was destroyed. But through the blood of Christ and His resurrection, God brings restoration. Only through Him do our flaws bring glory to Him.

"'My grace is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weakness...For when I am weak, then I am strong."

- 2 Corinthians 12.9-10

Today I'm Thankful for...

1 Chronicles 16:8
Give thanks to the LORD, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done.

Psalm 136:1
Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good. His love endures forever.

1 Thessalonians 5:18
give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

Today I'm thankful for...

- beautiful weather

- a nice run

- my iPod lasting the entirety of my run

- coffee

- talking with my Mariah

- CBS coming in pretty well so I can watch basketball

- free Rita's Italian Ice

- my family

- my church

- talking with my Savior

Self-Sufficient? Prideful?

God has been rocking my pride lately. It’s not hard, though, because I am an unbelievably prideful person. So it doesn’t take much to rock my pride. It’s out there, and it’s touchy (which happens to be the nature of pride), so it gets knocked around easily.

My pride comes out in different ways, at opposite ends of the spectrum. I seem to alternate between worry and anxiety (of great proportions) to arrogance to judging others. All pride. The end.

In community group a couple weeks ago, we were sharing about what God was doing in our lives. I shared that I was dealing with the pride He had been revealing in all aspects of my life. Joey, our leader, asked, “So what are you doing about that? How are you dealing with it?” That was awesome, because usually when you share what God is telling/teaching you, people just accept your answer and don’t follow up – like if you have an answer to that question you’re doing all you can and there’s no room for improvement. There is definite room for improvement in my life.

I talked about how I wasn’t really sure how to deal with my pride, but that I had been trying to speak Truth to myself and remind myself of God’s Word, especially on pride. That was true, but I hadn’t been doing a great job of it. I had little to no direction in regards to what Truth to speak to myself.

God is awesome.

Last week in the sermon, Matt (or maybe it was Scott at the end) said something to the effect of, “When I am prideful, it is unbelief. I am saying I do not believe God is who He says He is and can do what He says He can do.”

Whoa. I know, right. I mean, I would never say something like that to God…right? Well I have been…pretty much on a daily basis.

I have been praying this week about my pride, self-sufficiency, and belief in God, especially with regards to my anxiety. So what does God do this week? That’s right, kids, He starts throwing anxiety-inducing bombs at me. (It’s like what one of my youth leaders used to say – “Pray for patience, and God will give you opportunities to be patient.”)

So God gave me wonderful opportunities this week to claim my dependence on Him and give my anxiety and worry over to Him, and since this has been the focus of a great majority of my spiritual life lately, I passed this little test with flying colors, right? Nope. But don’t worry, I failed really big. If you’re going to do something, do it all the way. Go big or go home, right? Oh, I didn’t go home, that’s for sure. Let’s just say the “peak” was a slight breakdown in my car a couple days ago – tears and everything.

I’m sure God was just like, “Are you serious? Didn’t we just discuss this, this morning? Why can’t you ever just trust me with out all of these tears and freak outs?” Ok, so that’s what I would say if I was God looking at me. I’d be tempted to throw my hands up and walk away.

God is so awesome.

He didn’t throw His hands up and walk away. He did the opposite. He comforted me and showed me His amazing grace.

I was journaling again this morning about all of my worries about the future. Once I got all of that out, I decided to go through more of the material from “Foundations” (from my church). As I’m reading through the introduction to the prayer section, I came across the following:

“…we all struggle with self-sufficiency and independence. Self-sufficient people have no need for anything bigger than themselves, and thus, their prayer life is stifled!”

“If we lose sight of His holiness, sovereignty, goodness, and love, then we rely on our own abilities and we only turn to God when we have failed or disastrous circumstances strike.”

My focus is never to be on my abilities or me. It is to be on God. I do such a bad job of that on a daily basis that God continually pushes me out of my comfort zone, further into the deep end, where I have no choice but to cling to Him.

I am so thankful for His grace and His love that continually comes after me…even when I’m too busy staring in the mirror or taking inventory of my abilities. It doesn’t matter what abilities I have. It doesn’t matter how my abilities match up with my current situation. “For when I am weak, then I am strong” because God says, “My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12.9-10)

I want to see God’s power. I want to see God’s power in my life. So I will boast in my weakness (or try to) and focus on His power.

Praise be to you, O Lord,

God of our father Israel,

From everlasting to everlasting.

Yours, O Lord, is the greatness and the power

And the glory and the majesty and the splendor,

For everything in heaven and earth is yours.

Yours, O Lord, is the kingdom;

You are exalted as head over all.

Wealth and honor come from you;

You are the ruler of all things.

In your hands are strength and power

To exalt and give strength to all.

Now, our God, we give you thanks,

And praise your glorious name.

1 Chronicles 29.10-13