I don’t like learning from experience. I like having experience. I like knowing what to do based on experience. I just don’t like the process of learning from experience. I think experience is the best way to learn something, but if I could learn everything I need to know by reading a book and studying, I would.
Learning from experience is humbling and it’s usually hard. That’s why I don’t like it. In order to learn something through experience, you typically have to be experiencing something you’ve never done before or at least not done much. That means that you don’t know what you’re doing. And it usually means you will fail. And many times when you don’t know what you’re doing, people are watching. They are watching you, and they know you don’t know what you’re doing and they think you’re an idiot. At least that’s how it feels to me.
I don’t like to make mistakes. I really don’t like for other people to see me make mistakes. And why is that?
Pride.
Pride is my biggest struggle. It’s the sin I see most often in my life. And by most often, I mean everyday. Multiple times a day.
I want to be perfect…in everything I do…all the time. And I want everyone around me to know that I’m perfect. But you know what? I’m not. I’m far from perfect. I know that, but I still want people to think I’m perfect. How arrogant is that?
I think that if people see me as perfect, they will like me and respect me. Well, first of all, everyone won’t always like and respect me. And even if my perfection would guarantee my popularity and respect, that’s not God’s plan. God’s plan is to bring glory to Himself, and if people hating me, disrespecting me, and looking down on me brings glory to God, then that’s what needs to happen.
My humility, not my arrogance will allow people around me to see Christ. My dependence on Christ, not my pride in my abilities will turn people to Him.
God has placed me in situations lately that allow me to either choose humility or get smacked in the face with it. I’m batting about .500 in choosing humility, and that’s being generous. Many of the situations He’s placed me in are painful and difficult, regardless of if I choose humility or get smacked with it. So why would God place me in these situations?
I’ve been questioning Him about this for several weeks now. Last week at community group, a friend said something that really hit me. We were talking about qualities (in us or other people) that attract people to Christ. She said that the people who have shined the brightest for Christ in her eyes weren’t those who had it all together and seemed perfect. It was the people who seemed to struggle well with life who shined the brightest.
That hit me hard because currently I am not struggling well with life. I’m certainly struggling with life, but I’m not struggling well. That thought has stuck with me as I attempt to press on each day. In every situation, everyday, God wants me to struggle well with life that I might “shine as lights in the world” (Phil. 2.15).
Then, Oswald Chambers hammered the point home when he said, “God places His saints where they will bring the most glory to Him and we are totally incapable of judging where that may be.”
Ouch, that hurt my pride…oh wait, that was the point.
