Old Emails

I came across some old emails the other day.  They were from about 3 years ago (yes, I am a packrat – doing better with actual papers, but thankful for electronic storage).  I had just started to settle down in Greenville.  I hadn’t been back in the US for a year yet.  I was meeting new people, figuring out my job, finding a church, etc.

It was kind of fun to read through some of those first emails with people who I now call some of my closest friends.  Some of them were really funny and awkward, just because I had never met the folks and was trying to become friends over email.  I’m not sure how they got past my awkwardness, but so glad they did.

As sweet as it was to relive those memories, I was struck by something disheartening, almost shocking.  I was reading the emails of a different person.  Rarely, now, do my emails, phone calls, or other conversations sound like they did 3 years ago. 

That girl was so hopeful.  She was confident in what she knew God was directing her towards.  She was mindful of what God was doing in the large and small things around her.  She anticipated spiritual conversations and seized opportunities to put more faith in God and encourage others to do the same.

And as I sat there, all I could think was, “That’s not me…not anymore.”

I was heartbroken.  How have I let that passion fade?  Who have I become?  Where am I headed?

The past 4 years have been difficult.  Transition back to the States lasted as long as my time overseas, maybe longer.  And it seems, in many ways, to have been followed by a spiritual valley.  We all have to come down from the mountain at some point.  And even though every moment overseas wasn’t “mountain top” awesome, it was the mountain for me, spiritually. 

Though we feel closer to God and stronger in our faith on the mountain, that is not where life happens.  Our faith is lived out away from the mountain.  Our faith is refined away from the mountain.  As Oswald Chambers puts it, “The power of the saint lies in the coming down and in the living that is done in the valley.”

So how can we be sure we don’t falter or fade once we come down from the mountain?  How can we keep our faith constant and remain steadfast in Him?

We can’t.  We are not able.  We are not constant.  We are broken. 

But God is not.  He is able.  He is constant.

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.  – Hebrews 13.8

For I the Lord do not change. – Malachi 3.3

Our ability to remain in Him rests solely on Him.  He is our Constant One. 

When everything in and around us changes.  When nothing feels stable.  When our faith fades.  He is the same. 

“Believe God is the God you know Him to be when you are closest to Him.” - Chambers

He does not change, and His love for us remains the same.

He is the same God who revealed Himself on the mountaintop and in the fire.  He is the same God who initially drew us to Himself.  And He will draw us back to Himself.  He will draw us through His Word, through His people, through song…and sometimes through old emails.