Lessons in the Father's Love

Carlyn and Wyatt

I had a blog ready to go about a week and a half ago, but someone sped up life and I didn’t get to it.  It will be up soon, but I don’t want to wait on this thought…

Last Thursday morning, I found out that I had officially become an aunt.  I already knew I was excited for Wyatt’s arrival and would have so many emotions surrounding his birth, but I had no way of knowing how much I would love him. 

As I arrived at the hospital, it was almost surreal to think that my little sister now had a little baby.  Carlyn took me into the nursery to see him, and I fought back tears.  There he was – this tiny little baby that God breathed life into.  I just wanted to sit and stare at him.  All I kept thinking was how much I wanted to love him and protect him and do anything I could to make him healthy and strong…and I’m not even his mom.  

I love children.  But I have never felt such a strong desire to keep anyone from harm.  I have never felt such a strong responsibility to love someone.  And he’s not even my child.

As I was driving home, God brought this verse to mind:

If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him! – Matthew 7.11

I am evil and my heart is corrupt, selfish, and broken.  And yet, all I want to do is love and protect this little baby that is not even my child.  God’s love is perfect.  I would not even have a glimpse of what love was without God giving me that ability.  And what I do know of love is less than a dim shadow of His true love.

Why would I ever doubt his love for me?  Why would I ever think He desires anything less that what is best for me? 

I have loved you with an everlasting love… - Jeremiah 31.3

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good,

            For his steadfast love endures forever. – Psalm 136.1

See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. – 1 John 3.1

Modesty - Loving Well

I was kind of a tomboy growing up.  I played sports and most of my friends were guys.  I was well versed in their lingo and jokes.  I could fit in with guys most of the time.  I thought I understood them pretty well.  And as I grew out of the tomboy stage, and started entering into the dating stage, I figured having guy friends would help me.  I figured being around guys more meant that I would understand them better.

I was wrong.  As similar as men and women are in many ways, there are so many ways in which we are different.  I was arrogant to think I understood all of that.  As I have grown and matured in my understanding Biblical manhood and womanhood, I have been privileged to also learn more about the way men are wired.  Though I still don’t completely understand all of it, my perspective has definitely changed.

One of the things I have learned is how men and women are affected differently by visual images, particularly sexual images.  While men and women both can be affected by these images, there is a particular battle that most men face in regards to this issue that is for the most part specific to their gender.  I can’t totally relate, but it’s important for me to be aware of and sensitive to this battle. 

It is important because if I am not aware and sensitive to the struggles of my brothers, I cannot love well as Christ has called me to.

…being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. – Philippians 2.2-4

But take care that this right of yours does not somehow become a stumbling block to the weak. For if anyone sees you who have knowledge eating in an idol’s temple, will he not be encouraged, if his conscience is weak, to eat food offered to idols? And so by your knowledge this weak person is destroyed, the brother for whom Christ died. Thus, sinning against your brothers and wounding their conscience when it is weak, you sin against Christ. Therefore, if food makes my brother stumble, I will never eat meat, lest I make my brother stumble. – 1 Corinthians 8.9-13

So the way I dress is not a matter of my freedom or my rights.  When I choose to follow Christ, I lay down all rights to myself – that includes my right to wear anything I want.  Even if my clothing had nothing to do with my approval or identity (which is not the case), I am still called to a higher standard out of love and respect for my brothers and for Christ.

Christ Centered Relationships Part 1

Several weeks ago, a friend sent me a series of messages done by Francis and Lisa Chan on relationships. You may be familiar with Francis Chan - author of Crazy Love and Forgotten God. In 2008, he had his wife, Lisa, join him on stage to talk about marriage and relationships. It is one of the best series on marriage I've heard.

The main point is that we need to view marriage (and all relationships) through an eternal lens; through a Gospel lens.

"If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated as the right hand of God." - Colossians 3.1

If we were truly seeking things that are above, our view of all relationships on this earth would change. Our eyes would be turned from ourselves, and our selfish desires, to Christ and to others. We would take Jesus' words seriously when He tells us:

"You shall love the Lord our God with all your heart and with all your should and with all you mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself." - Matthew 22.37-39

That is real love. As it is, our love is selfish - broken and sinful just like the rest of the world. We are not capable of perfect love here and now, though that is what we should strive for. While we can't love perfectly, we can receive perfect love.

"So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him." - 1 John 4.16

This is why Paul Tripp says in What Did You Expect?, "Love seeks vertical fulfillment so it can horizontally serve." Our fulfillment comes from Christ. He is the only one who can truly fill us. Tripp also states, “Love means you never ask your spouse to do for you what only God can do.”

Asking your spouse (or future spouse) to fulfill you is completely unreasonable, and is actually unloving since it’s setting them up for failure (not to mention setting yourself up for disappointment). It is impossible for someone, anyone, no matter how wonderful they are, to provide for you what only Christ can provide (and has provided) through His death on the cross.

It’s just so easy for us to seek fulfillment in another person. It may be even easier for single people to do this because we get to make up our own version of our future spouse in our heads. It’s easy to think, “Once I get married, my husband will totally understand me and support me. Everything will be easier.” Wrong. He’ll probably misunderstand me often, not because he wants to, but because communication is difficult and flawed. We won’t always be on the same page. We will argue.

These are all things that can be overcome with grace, though, if I am resting in Christ as my fulfillment and trusting Christ in my husband. If, however, I have put unrealistic expectations on that person, those problems will only become magnified and multiplied as we add in disillusionment and disappointment.

A Gospel perspective of marriage recognizes the need for intimate community, as well as the power of marriage. That power is not just for the betterment of the individuals or the couple, though that will be one result. Marriage is a tool used by God to show the relationship between Christ and the Church, and is used to bring others into His Kingdom.

That’s the ultimate goal in any relationship and in our lives – Christ and His Kingdom. If I am seeking that, with my eyes on Christ, it will overflow into all of my relationships. However, as Tripp puts it, “If I am not loving God as my king, I will set up my own kingdom and live for myself.”

No one wants to be a part of my kingdom. It’s crap. I can’t save anyone, and my kingdom is good for no one, not even me.

"If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated as the right hand of God." - Colossians 3.1

Because in the end, it’s not about me, and that’s a good thing.

I couldn't get the video of Francis and Lisa's message to load, but you can watch it here for now.

You can also download the series at cornerstonesimi.com. They are from July/Aug 2008 and titled, "Christ Centered Relationships"