Modesty - Identity and Value (part 1)

I don’t think I know anyone who doesn’t like attention in one form or another.  Now, not all of us like being up in front of people or being the focus of the gaze of 500 pairs of eyes, but we all like attention.  We all want to be noticed for something – our work, our uniqueness, our talents, our appearance, etc.  Why?

We find value in the honor of attention from others.  Attention from others is not inherently bad.  We were made for relationships and community and attention or focus from others is a natural part of that.  What is wrong is when our value is corrupted by the need for attention; when our identity becomes rooted in how others see and define us.

When you think about it, allowing another person to define your identity is an awfully great amount of power to give someone who is as imperfect as you are and who can only know so much about you.  But we all do it everyday. 

This is particularly true when it comes to females and their appearance.  I was going to say teenage girls (because they seem to be the focus of many of the modesty discussions), but the truth is all women have a tendency to put value in their appearance. 

We desire to be delighted in and want to be desired.  We want to be affirmed.  Culture tells us that we will only be affirmed and delighted in based on our physical appearance.  Almost all of the images we are bombarded with on a daily basis convey the message that sensuality equates to beauty.  And at some point each of us begins to believe that.

What culture does not teach us is that when we place our value and identity in our ability to be desired sexually, we are placing our hope in an empty, evil idol.  This idol will rob you of your joy and leave you feeling used, unwanted, and abandoned.  You will never be pretty enough.  You will never be skinny enough.  You will never have the best body.  You will never be desired enough.

Oh, but we will try.  We wear clothes that culture tells us will get people’s attention.  We go on crazy diets to try to get the best body.  We do whatever it takes to gain attention and be desired.  And we teach the next generation to do the same.

The answer isn’t in changing our wardrobe, though.  It’s not a matter of where we shop.  It’s a matter of where our heart rests and our identity lies.  We have a Savior who desires to delight in us.  He desires to define our identity.  He desires to give us joy, confidence, and rest from the acceptance battle.

When Christ defines our identity, we no longer look to others to define us.  When our desire for acceptance is met in Christ, we are free to be who He created us to be without looking to others for acceptance.

So as we consider how we dress and how we partner with and raise up the next generation of young women, let us do so in light of the Gospel.  The Gospel allows us to be distinct, to be different, and to be delighted in by Christ.  When our identity and value come only from Christ, our clothing will be a non-issue.

“…and the king will desire your beauty.” – Psalm 45.11

“For the Lord your God is living among you.

He is a mighty savior.

He will take delight in you with gladness.

With his love, he will calm all your fears.

He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.” – Zephaniah 3.17