Waiting Here For You

I love the Christy Nockels song, "Waiting Here for You."  It expresses so well what I desire the state of my heart to be in times of waiting.

If faith can move the mountains
Let the mountains move
We come with expectation
Waiting here for you, I’m waiting here for you

You’re the Lord of all creation
And still you know my heart
The Author of Salvation 
You’ve loved us from the start

Waiting here for You
With our hands lifted high in praise
And it's You we adore
Singing Alleluia

You are everything You’ve promised
Your faithfulness is true
And we're desperate for Your presence
All we need is You
Waiting here for You
With our hands lifted high in praise
And it's You we adore
Singing Alleluia

Singing Alleluia
Alleluia, singing alleluia, alleluia
Waiting here for You
With our hands lifted high in praise
And it's You we adore
Singing Alleluia

Waiting here for you
With our hands lifted high in praise
And it's You we adore 
We're singing Alleluia

I'm singing Alleluia
Waiting here for you 
With our hands lifted high in praise
And it's You we adore 
Singing Alleluia
Singing Alleluia

- Waiting Here for You, Christy Nockels

I'm Not Patient

I’m not patient.  I’m not good at waiting.  I want to see movement.  See it.  Not just know it’s happening.  I want to be able to look back, see where I started, and know that I’ve made progress to where I am standing right now.

This past year has not done that for me.

And I haven’t handled it too well.

As I stand here now, looking back, I see a lot of ruts where I was spinning my wheels but not going anywhere.  At the time I thought I was doing good things.  I thought I was making progress.  I may have done some good, but ultimately I was not being obedient to what God was calling me to.

I wasn’t even listening to what God was calling me to, at times. 

I heard Him say, “wait.”  I heard Him say, “not now.”  And instead of being obedient and trusting God to move me at the right time, I came up with stuff to do on my own.  I made my own plans and hoped He’d go along with them. 

He didn’t.

He let me try my plans.  He let me fill my schedule and come up with all sorts of tasks to do.  He let me forsake rest and Sabbath.  He let me live with zero margin.  He did all of that because He loves me.

And now I’m tired.  I’m tired, burned out, and just feeling done.  And God is still here, beside me, waiting for me to finally listen.  He is patiently waiting on me when I refused to wait on Him.  He is here to renew me.  He is here to give me energy, hope, and joy.  And He’s doing all of that because He loves me.

Waiting and resting feel counterintuitive to what I’m trying to do.  They seem to be working against the goal.  I would say they are for weak people who can’t hack it.  That’s not what the Bible says, though.

For thus said the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel,
“In repentance and rest you shall be saved;
in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.”

-       Isaiah 30.15

Repentance and rest brings salvation.  Quietness and trust brings strength.  But I, like Israel, refuse to trust in that.

But you were unwilling, and you said,
“No! We will flee upon horses”;
therefore you shall flee away;
and, “We will ride upon swift steeds”;
therefore your pursuers shall be swift.

A thousand shall flee at the threat of one;
at the threat of five you shall flee,
till you are left
like a flagstaff on the top of a mountain,
like a signal on a hill.

- Isaiah 30.15-17

Israel trusted in their alliances and perceived strength.  Both failed them.  I trust in my plans and own strength.  Both fail me.

God does not fail.  He does not disappoint.  He does not abandon.

Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you,
and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you.
For the LORD is a God of justice;
blessed are all those who wait for him.

- Isaiah 30.18

Blessed are those who wait for Him.

A Year Later...

Another year has passed, and yet in many ways I feel like I’m in the same place I was in January 2011. 

This thought has partially consumed my mind over the last couple months.  I know that I am not in the same place I was this time last year, but on the surface it seems that way.  I am in the same city, same house, same job, same lack of relationship, same education level, same financial situation. 

I struggle with feeling a lack of progress in my life.  I want to make things happen.  I want to make changes.  I want to see forward progress.  I want everyone else to be able to see forward progress.

And as I speak these feelings to God, He simply asks me, “Do you trust Me?”

Do I?

I say I do.  I want to.  In theory and concept, I do.  But in the details, in the timing, in the waiting, I don’t.  I struggle to believe this period of time in my life is good.  God says it is, though:

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.  For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son…” - Romans 8.28-29

The LORD is good to those who wait for him,
to the soul who seeks him.

It is good that one should wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD

- Lamentations 3.25-26

The good is not based on where I think I need to be or what I deserve.  It is not based on where everyone around me is, what they have, or the progress they are making.  It is based solely on God’s plan for me.  And His plan for me is not happiness, comfort, and security here and now.  It is the preparation of my soul for eternity.

So the question remains, “Do you trust Me?”

Do I trust Him enough to remain faithful and obedient in the waiting?  Do I trust that the work He is doing in my soul while my life seems to be on pause is infinitely more important than the “life” I feel is flying by me?

I sure want to.