Another year has passed, and yet in many ways I feel like I’m in the same place I was in January 2011.
This thought has partially consumed my mind over the last couple months. I know that I am not in the same place I was this time last year, but on the surface it seems that way. I am in the same city, same house, same job, same lack of relationship, same education level, same financial situation.
I struggle with feeling a lack of progress in my life. I want to make things happen. I want to make changes. I want to see forward progress. I want everyone else to be able to see forward progress.
And as I speak these feelings to God, He simply asks me, “Do you trust Me?”
Do I?
I say I do. I want to. In theory and concept, I do. But in the details, in the timing, in the waiting, I don’t. I struggle to believe this period of time in my life is good. God says it is, though:
“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son…” - Romans 8.28-29
The LORD is good to those who wait for him,
to the soul who seeks him.
to the soul who seeks him.
It is good that one should wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD
for the salvation of the LORD
- Lamentations 3.25-26
The good is not based on where I think I need to be or what I deserve. It is not based on where everyone around me is, what they have, or the progress they are making. It is based solely on God’s plan for me. And His plan for me is not happiness, comfort, and security here and now. It is the preparation of my soul for eternity.
So the question remains, “Do you trust Me?”
Do I trust Him enough to remain faithful and obedient in the waiting? Do I trust that the work He is doing in my soul while my life seems to be on pause is infinitely more important than the “life” I feel is flying by me?
I sure want to.
I understand why you FEEL like you have not made forward progress. But to say that would be ignoring the internal progress that God has been doing in your heart, mind, and soul. While your circumstances are mostly the same as a year ago, your perspective on them is different.
ReplyDeleteAnd you want to talk about movement? How many 1000's of miles did you travel in the past 12 months? (Still enjoying the coffee, by the way.)
There was one particular line where I thought you switched to writing about me from my perspective: "I want everyone else to be able to see forward progress." Yeah, that one stings a little.
Thanks, Joey. I promise I wasn't writing about you...though it's nice to have company in the conviction.
DeleteGlad you're enjoying the coffee.
As I started reading the first few lines, I was reminded of the role you played during that time period in the lives of a handful of high school girls (& their moms:). I don't know the specific impact your sharing time & pouring into them had on your own heart, but your investment definitely helped them progress in their walks.
ReplyDeleteSo, this mom thanks you for spending yourself, even if you're not sure of how God is using it to ripen the fruit of your own heart. He will show it to you in His good time.
:)