Encouraging Conversations

God continues to pull me back into Him, reminding me of His power, His provision, His blessing, and His calling on my life.  His Spirit is opening my eyes again and awakening my heart to His leading more and more.  It has been such a sweet reminder that He is in the details of my life and has never left me, even when I turned from His leading.

A few weeks ago, I went to Charleston with a friend in preparation for my move in May.  The weekend as a whole was very encouraging and increased my excitement for moving and starting school, and helped solidify confidence in my decision. 

I found myself in the middle of a very interesting conversation the first night.  The family we stayed with is involved in medical missions, so it didn’t take long for that topic to come up.  As we started talking about missions, the conversation moved to my past and future involvement in missions.  As we were talking, I heard myself speaking so naturally about my hopes for future mission involvement, and remembered very clearly God’s call for me to use whatever opportunities He gives me (medical or otherwise) for His purposes.

As I heard words of excitement and joy for God’s work coming out of my mouth, though, I also had the thought, “Do I even deserve to be in this conversation?  Am I worthy of saying the things that I am saying?  After the struggles, drifting, sin, and general shortcomings that have become so clear over the past year, who am I to share in the joy of missions?”

The answer to those questions is that I am even less worthy than I know.  My sin is worse than I can see or believe.  I don’t deserve to experience God’s work in the lives of others any more than I deserve to experience His grace in my life.

…but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. – Romans 5.8

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” – 2 Corinthians 12.9

I have known and quoted these verses for years, believing I understood them.  And I did understand them to an extent.  But until I truly understand the depths of my sin and brokenness, I cannot fully understand His grace.  So I still do not fully grasp the power and thoroughness of His grace. 

The more God reveals Himself to me, though, the more I see my sin, and the more opportunity there is to see His grace.  That is not automatic, though.  I must continually be reminded of His love and acceptance of me based on nothing but the blood of Christ in order to experience His grace.  Otherwise, the revelation of my sin only leads straight to the pit.  As one who daily receives grace, then, I am called to daily show grace and lead others to the Giver of grace.

My prayer, like that of Paul, then, is

If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness. – 2 Corinthians 11.30

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.  For when I am weak, then I am strong. – 2 Corinthians 12.9-10

My desire, though I am far from it, is to struggle well in grace and invite others to struggle well with me.

When Following Means Leaving

Sometimes, following Jesus means staying where He has called us. Sometimes, following Jesus means leaving.

Now the Lord said to Abram, “Go from your country and your kindred and your father’s house to the land that I will show you.” – Genesis 12.1

God calls different people to go to different places and minister in different ways. He called Abram to a different place…He didn’t even tell him where he was going. God just said, “Go.”

It’s always kind of a scary, exciting thing when God says, “Go.” It’s even scarier to answer and obey.

My friends, the Espinosas recently answered the call to Go. Their family of 5 is currently serving in Allendale, SC, one of the poorest areas in South Carolina. They are engaging an entirely different culture with the Gospel and the love of Christ.

My friends, the Osborns answered the call, and are preparing to move to Papua New Guinea. They are moving their family of 5 across the world to help translate the Bible for a people who currently do not have the Bible in their own language.

Both of these families are leaving friends and family here in Greenville because of the call of Christ to follow Him. Their kids are having to leave friends and will have to make friends in an entirely different culture. While they know where they are going geographically, they don’t know all of the steps in front of them.

Here’s what they do know, though: God is faithful.

He who calls you is faithful… - 1 Thessalonians 5.24

…he who promised is faithful. – Hebrews 10.23

Know therefore that the Lord your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, to a thousand generations… - Deuteronomy 7.9

I love that I have friends who model obedience and faith in the Lord. The Osborns and Espinosas are just two examples of the wonderful people God has brought in my life to draw me closer to Him. I love that they push me to greater faith and stronger obedience. I love that they remind me of the sacrifice involved in obedience. As our pastor reminded us this weekend, “Opportunity is always merged with sacrifice.”

Recently I was presented with an opportunity to get involved with a new ministry. It is a wonderful opportunity, and for a few months I tried to fully commit to this ministry without giving up anything. The result was that all of my ministries suffered, as did my sleep. This was not surprising to me. I’ve been here before, so I’m not sure why I expected different results.

I knew that I had to decide which ministry to continue pursuing. I had to drop one. I had to sacrifice. I had to leave. Though it was a difficult decision, I did step down from one ministry. Though “leaving” in this case wasn’t geographic, it was still difficult, and it will mean that at the very least some of my relationships will change.

I would love to wait a year from now to write this post so I could tell you I made the right decision and share with you everything the Lord was doing through this ministry, but that wouldn’t require much faith. Instead, I’m writing about it on the front end, saying that I felt called to take a big step into something and risk much so that I need God to show up. It’s a risk that, if God doesn’t show up, I will look bad. But that’s the idea – that’s how our faith grows.

And I know God will show up, because He is faithful. He may not show up in the box I create for Him or in the way I ask Him to, but He will show up. So a year from now, I may not be writing about every dream I have for this ministry coming true, but I guarantee you I will be able to write about how God grew me and drew me closer to Him. I’ll be able to write about the amazing and unexpected things He did in the lives of others through this ministry. I’ll be able to write about how God brought glory upon Himself through the obedience of His children.

The Osborns and Espinosas will be able to do the same, as well. Because when God says, “Go,” we may not be sure where we’re going, but we can be sure that He is already there.

When Following Means Staying

But Ruth said, “Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. – Ruth 1.16 (ESV)

This is a pretty famous verse in the book of Ruth, and even in the Bible as a whole. I know people who have had this read at their wedding. It’s even the basis for a popular song right now. It’s a pretty cool verse, when you think about it.

This is Ruth declaring her love and complete dedication not only to Naomi, but to Yahweh, the One True God. One thing that makes this cool is that Ruth has not been accepted into the nation of Israel, yet. They are currently still in Moab, or not far from Moab. She has never lived among Israelite people or like an Israelite. This is Ruth abandoning her own gods to follow the One True God before she knows how it will turn out.

And yet she follows.

The really amazing and challenging part of this verse to me, though, doesn’t get revealed until the last verse of chapter 2. Ruth has met Boaz, who we know she will eventually marry. They have had a conversation and shared a meal. He gave her a job. And that’s it. That’s all we’re told about their interaction for months. Ruth 2.23 says this:

So she kept close to the young women of Boaz, gleaning until the end of the barley and wheat harvests. And she lived with her mother-in-law.

So maybe she and Boaz talked often or he at least checked up on her…but maybe he didn’t. Maybe Ruth made wonderful friends with the women who were also working in the fields…but maybe she didn’t. All we’re told is that Ruth stayed with her mother-in-law and she worked. She didn’t return to her home or to her gods or to her old way of life.

But do you know what Ruth did?

She stayed where God blessed. I love that sentence. As I was listening to a sermon on Ruth chapter 2, the pastor used that sentence to describe this time in Ruth’s life. She stayed where God blessed. She committed to follow God and this is where God led her. He had not told her to leave, so she stayed. I wonder how many times she recalled her words to Naomi and to God:

“Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God.” – Ruth 1.16 (NIV)

As I think about this concept of staying where God blesses and serving where He calls me, that second part of Ruth’s pledge resonates in me.

I feel like my life is marked by change. Most recently, the changes have included geographic changes. I’ve come to expect and even look forward to change. Change feels good to me. I think it’s because of the possibilities that are born with change. There is always a chance things change for the better.

I have spent much of the past year seeking out change. I have looked to make a geographic change or a vocational change or a relational change. While some small things have changed, for the most part I feel like I’m still “here.” I don’t feel like God has let me make that big change I’ve been looking for.

He undoubtedly called me to this place, and is blessing me here. When I step back and look at my life, I can absolutely see that. The anticipation of change remains inside me, but until He calls me to something different, I need to learn to say, like Ruth:

“Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay.”

Thankful - Community

And they devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. And awe came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles. And all who believed were together and had all things in common. And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved. – Acts 2.42-47

I love this passage. I love how the family of God is described. I love how their focus is outward, how they are concerned for everyone but self. I love that they spend time together, pray together, eat together, and sing together. I love that they willingly and joyfully meet needs.

I love that I have this kind of community.

The past couple weeks have been incredibly difficult. There is a lot going on in my life, in my job, and in my family. It has been stressful and chaotic. There is a part of me that would try to handle all of it myself; bear all of the weight myself. I am always tempted to just handle my own business so that I am not a burden on anyone. It’s very appealing to me to not burden anyone else.

But nowhere in the passage from Acts does it say, “…and whatever you do, don’t inconvenience or burden anyone else.” If no one ever expressed any need, the people in the early church would not have had the opportunity to sell their possessions and meet those needs. And if I never shared any needs, no one would have the opportunity to bless me.

It has been difficult, but over the past couple weeks, I have sent emails, made phone calls, and had conversations with numerous people – all of whom genuinely wanted to hear how I was doing. They truly wanted to hear what was going on. They wanted to pray for me and with me. They carried my burden with joy.

It is so humbling to ask for help, to express need, and I am really bad at it. I still refuse to ask for help many times that I need it. But when I am able to humble myself and ask, the blessing that comes is more than sufficient to cover the pride that I have lost.

Thankful - Blessings

Many of the things I ask God for, I never get - at least not the way I imagined. Many times the answer to my prayer is "no." I am so thankful for that. As I look back at all of the things God has mercifully said "no" to in my life, the reason He said "no" is so clear. Either I was not ready for them at the time or just didn't need them in my life at all, ever.

All of those "no" answers are blessings.

It's hard to see that in the moment, though, when I'm in the midst of a situation I believe I know the answer to. It's hard to see that when I think that one thing is just what I need in my life. It's hard to trust that God knows me better than I know myself and knows what I need more than I do. But that's just what I need to do.

In the midst of prayer, no matter how desperate or how sure I am of what I'm praying about, I need to remember that any answer God gives me is a blessing.

That's why I love this song. I first heard it when I was in Nicaragua - a teammate played it during devotions. Then, shortly after that, another friend emailed out the lyrics. I've heard it a few times since then, and this past week listened to it several times. It's such a great reminder of our Sovereign Lord's merciful hand in our lives - loving, sanctifying, and drawing us closer to Him.