Pray, Sit, Watch, Listen

At our leadership dinner the other night at Grace Church, Matt Williams was talking about a particular ministry opportunity we may have in the future.  He shared how God seemed to be leading us in a certain direction with this opportunity, but there has been no “burning bush” moment, no audible voice regarding it.  So, he said, we will continue to pray, let it sit out there, and watch for doors to open or close.

This is essentially what I am doing right now with several things in my life.  I feel like God has started prompting me to make some movements in regards to missions and ministry, but I don’t feel like I have definite direction.  There seem to be several “options” out there, but I’m not sure which is the right one.  It’s possible that none of them is actually the correct direction.  That is easily an overwhelming thought for me.  Much anxiety surrounds the unknown and decisions about the future.

So when Matt shared where the church was and what we are doing in regards to this particular opportunity, I was comforted and encouraged.  I don’t feel so lost without all of the answers and I don’t feel like I’m proceeding or waiting in error.  God has called me to take some small steps in a few different directions, and I know that He will soon ask me to take some bigger steps.  With these steps, though, comes instruction.  As I move, God teaches.  My job is to listen.

Listening sometimes is the hardest part for me.  Action makes me feel productive.  Action feeds the achiever in me.  It is often a struggle for me to sit, pray, watch and listen.  But unless I can stop the busyness and quite myself, hearing from God is almost impossible.  And listening is imperative.  I feel like I’m on the cusp of change, but the direction is unknown.  God is giving me direction one step at a time.  I need to hear from Him.

So as I move, with each step, I must pause.  Pray, sit, watch, and listen.

The Wrong Step

Many times the reason I’m afraid to take the next step is that I’m worried it will be the wrong step.

I hate being wrong.  I hate the feeling that comes with being wrong – feeling ignorant, incapable, naïve.  It hurts my delicate pride.

Lately, as I have been searching for the next step, I feel like God is saying, “Even if you take a wrong step, which you will, you still need to take a step.”  He has been challenging me to move, to risk, to step.  He knows that I’m probably going to move in the wrong direction at some point.  And He knows I need to.

Here’s why…I’m typically very capable and in control.  That’s not me bragging or anything.  That’s just a reality of life for most of us.  I can easily rely on myself and my own strength to get things done.  I need to learn that my strength is not sufficient.  True strength is only found in my weakness.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” – 2 Corinthians 12.9

I need to learn that my plans are worthless without God directing. 

The heart of man plans his way,
but the LORD establishes his steps. – Proverbs 16.9

I believe God has to teach me these lessons now because I must be able to rely totally on Him in order to go where He is taking me.  I’m not sure where I’m headed but I know it will require faith.

And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him. – Hebrews 11.6

Ultimately, I need to be humbled to realize that I am not perfect.  I am not God.  I am not in control.  But I have access to and community with God, the controller of the universe who tells the sun to shine and the waves to crash.  He can handle the tiny steps and missteps of my life.

The Next Step

I’m a planner.  I like (good) surprises, but I’m a planner.  I like to make calculated decisions.  I like to be sure.

Guess how often I am sure about a decision I make…rarely…especially the important ones.

I feel like many times when God calls me to move, He is leading me down a path that is not well lit.  The next step is usually clear, but often only the next step is clear.  Sometimes all I see behind it is pitch-black darkness.  That scares me.

When I am scared, I grasp for control.  I frantically start planning more.  I try to “regain” control (as if I ever had it) and assuredly navigate my future, basing my moves solely on my own knowledge and strength.  Why I ever feel capable of this is beyond me.  What I need is discernment and faith.  What I need is to ask God not for the whole map, but for the next step.

God is not going to give me the map.  He knows better than to trust me with it.  He knows I can’t handle it – that if I saw the map, saw where He was taking me, I probably wouldn’t go.  I’m not ready for the whole trip.  But He has prepared me for the next step.  And He will continue to prepare me for each next step.  I must continue to follow with each step, trusting not in my strength and wisdom, but in the One who guides my steps.

I love the way the author of Proverbs puts it:

Let your eyes look directly forward,
and your gaze be straight before you.

Ponder the path of your feet;
then all your ways will be sure.

-       Proverbs 4.25-26

He doesn’t say, “Look as far into the distance as you can; ponder the path miles ahead of you.”  He says to look “directly forward” and at the “path of your feet.” 

We can only do this when we are sure of our God who goes before us.

“Be strong and courageous, …It is the LORD who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” – Deuteronomy 31.7-8

So as I look to the future, I cannot let the uncertainty paralyze me.  I must take the next step in obedience and trust that God is already there. 

When Following Means Leaving

Sometimes, following Jesus means staying where He has called us. Sometimes, following Jesus means leaving.

Now the Lord said to Abram, “Go from your country and your kindred and your father’s house to the land that I will show you.” – Genesis 12.1

God calls different people to go to different places and minister in different ways. He called Abram to a different place…He didn’t even tell him where he was going. God just said, “Go.”

It’s always kind of a scary, exciting thing when God says, “Go.” It’s even scarier to answer and obey.

My friends, the Espinosas recently answered the call to Go. Their family of 5 is currently serving in Allendale, SC, one of the poorest areas in South Carolina. They are engaging an entirely different culture with the Gospel and the love of Christ.

My friends, the Osborns answered the call, and are preparing to move to Papua New Guinea. They are moving their family of 5 across the world to help translate the Bible for a people who currently do not have the Bible in their own language.

Both of these families are leaving friends and family here in Greenville because of the call of Christ to follow Him. Their kids are having to leave friends and will have to make friends in an entirely different culture. While they know where they are going geographically, they don’t know all of the steps in front of them.

Here’s what they do know, though: God is faithful.

He who calls you is faithful… - 1 Thessalonians 5.24

…he who promised is faithful. – Hebrews 10.23

Know therefore that the Lord your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, to a thousand generations… - Deuteronomy 7.9

I love that I have friends who model obedience and faith in the Lord. The Osborns and Espinosas are just two examples of the wonderful people God has brought in my life to draw me closer to Him. I love that they push me to greater faith and stronger obedience. I love that they remind me of the sacrifice involved in obedience. As our pastor reminded us this weekend, “Opportunity is always merged with sacrifice.”

Recently I was presented with an opportunity to get involved with a new ministry. It is a wonderful opportunity, and for a few months I tried to fully commit to this ministry without giving up anything. The result was that all of my ministries suffered, as did my sleep. This was not surprising to me. I’ve been here before, so I’m not sure why I expected different results.

I knew that I had to decide which ministry to continue pursuing. I had to drop one. I had to sacrifice. I had to leave. Though it was a difficult decision, I did step down from one ministry. Though “leaving” in this case wasn’t geographic, it was still difficult, and it will mean that at the very least some of my relationships will change.

I would love to wait a year from now to write this post so I could tell you I made the right decision and share with you everything the Lord was doing through this ministry, but that wouldn’t require much faith. Instead, I’m writing about it on the front end, saying that I felt called to take a big step into something and risk much so that I need God to show up. It’s a risk that, if God doesn’t show up, I will look bad. But that’s the idea – that’s how our faith grows.

And I know God will show up, because He is faithful. He may not show up in the box I create for Him or in the way I ask Him to, but He will show up. So a year from now, I may not be writing about every dream I have for this ministry coming true, but I guarantee you I will be able to write about how God grew me and drew me closer to Him. I’ll be able to write about the amazing and unexpected things He did in the lives of others through this ministry. I’ll be able to write about how God brought glory upon Himself through the obedience of His children.

The Osborns and Espinosas will be able to do the same, as well. Because when God says, “Go,” we may not be sure where we’re going, but we can be sure that He is already there.

When Following Means Staying

But Ruth said, “Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. – Ruth 1.16 (ESV)

This is a pretty famous verse in the book of Ruth, and even in the Bible as a whole. I know people who have had this read at their wedding. It’s even the basis for a popular song right now. It’s a pretty cool verse, when you think about it.

This is Ruth declaring her love and complete dedication not only to Naomi, but to Yahweh, the One True God. One thing that makes this cool is that Ruth has not been accepted into the nation of Israel, yet. They are currently still in Moab, or not far from Moab. She has never lived among Israelite people or like an Israelite. This is Ruth abandoning her own gods to follow the One True God before she knows how it will turn out.

And yet she follows.

The really amazing and challenging part of this verse to me, though, doesn’t get revealed until the last verse of chapter 2. Ruth has met Boaz, who we know she will eventually marry. They have had a conversation and shared a meal. He gave her a job. And that’s it. That’s all we’re told about their interaction for months. Ruth 2.23 says this:

So she kept close to the young women of Boaz, gleaning until the end of the barley and wheat harvests. And she lived with her mother-in-law.

So maybe she and Boaz talked often or he at least checked up on her…but maybe he didn’t. Maybe Ruth made wonderful friends with the women who were also working in the fields…but maybe she didn’t. All we’re told is that Ruth stayed with her mother-in-law and she worked. She didn’t return to her home or to her gods or to her old way of life.

But do you know what Ruth did?

She stayed where God blessed. I love that sentence. As I was listening to a sermon on Ruth chapter 2, the pastor used that sentence to describe this time in Ruth’s life. She stayed where God blessed. She committed to follow God and this is where God led her. He had not told her to leave, so she stayed. I wonder how many times she recalled her words to Naomi and to God:

“Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God.” – Ruth 1.16 (NIV)

As I think about this concept of staying where God blesses and serving where He calls me, that second part of Ruth’s pledge resonates in me.

I feel like my life is marked by change. Most recently, the changes have included geographic changes. I’ve come to expect and even look forward to change. Change feels good to me. I think it’s because of the possibilities that are born with change. There is always a chance things change for the better.

I have spent much of the past year seeking out change. I have looked to make a geographic change or a vocational change or a relational change. While some small things have changed, for the most part I feel like I’m still “here.” I don’t feel like God has let me make that big change I’ve been looking for.

He undoubtedly called me to this place, and is blessing me here. When I step back and look at my life, I can absolutely see that. The anticipation of change remains inside me, but until He calls me to something different, I need to learn to say, like Ruth:

“Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay.”

Sent

I’ve been trying to write more lately. It’s a really good way for me to think and process, and most of it I really enjoy sharing and getting feedback, so blogging has been a good outlet. I didn’t write much last week, though. That’s because I spent 4 evenings/nights with high school students from Grace Church who were on their Spring Break mission trip.

They stayed at our downtown campus Sunday-Thursday and did service projects around our city each day. At night, one of our high school pastors taught and we had small group discussion. Since I had to work, I was only able to go for the message and small group time (and of course dinner, because I love to eat). Some nights were better than others due to fatigue and how late we started discussion a couple times, but overall I think we had great dialogue.

The theme of the week was “Sent.” We talked about Isaiah, Abram, Jonah, and the Disciples. One of the first things said during the talk Sunday night was that God has a plan to bring people to Himself and He’s using people to do that. He’s using His children – created in His image, loved by Him, chosen by Him, forgiven by Him, and sent by Him.

Each night, we talked about how each passage we studied pointed to Jesus, as does all of Scripture. We talked about how in order to be sent, we must first be forgiven because we, like Isaiah (Isaiah 6.5-7), are men of unclean lips. We talked about how we must have faith, as Abram did, to be sent, but that God’s covenant promise to Abram (Gen. 12.2-3, 15.18-21) includes us and is accomplished through Christ. We talked about how in order to be sent, we need to die to self and our sinful prejudices, as God showed Jonah, and instead look to God for perspective (Jonah 4.9-11). We talked about how our faith is weak if it doesn’t cost us anything and how being sent is worthless unless we point people to Christ, as it was with the Disciples (Luke 10.20).

I love that these teenagers are being challenged. I love that they are being pushed and held accountable. I loved watching them process, discuss, and ask questions. I loved that for at least a few minutes, they counted the cost of discipleship. In America, it is often hard to truly count the cost of following Jesus, but when we look to His words we begin to understand just what it will cost:

“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple. For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish.’ – Luke 14.26-30

I love that they are counting the cost because though it may be difficult for them and it will cost them something, God will use them to impact the world. He will use any of us who are willing. Because the reality is, if we call ourselves followers of Christ, we are all sent. He sent us.

And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” – Matthew 28.18-20

Picture of Obedience to Christ

I wrote yesterday about celebrating baptism at Grace Church. Baptism services are always so special to me and I usually cry…sometimes a lot. This weekend was no different. But I kind of cheated.

I saw Saturday night that they were putting the baptism videos on our pastor’s blog, so I watched them all Sunday morning before church. It was fantastic. One video made me more emotional than all of the others, though. Usually it’s hearing small children explain the Gospel that gets me, but this time it wasn’t.

One of our high school students began sharing how he became a follower of Christ. He spoke of how he always knew a little about God and Jesus, but never saw the need for God in his life. Then he shared the turning point for him – hearing another high school student share how Christ completely changed his life. That’s pretty much when I lost it.

I couldn’t stop the tears from coming as I thought of how these two teenagers have given us a beautiful picture of obedience to Christ, discipleship, and inviting others to join. I didn’t know the first student before he became a Christ follower, but I know that hours and hours were poured into him by leaders and friends. I know that it was a difficult process. And though I didn’t get to see the whole process, I get to see the result – a young leader growing daily in Christ, and inviting others to do the same.

Faithfulness by many in this teenager’s life led to the salvation of a peer. And this is just one life that he touched. I don’t know either young man very well, but I know that they are both natural leaders. They have it in them – the ability to impact and lead people. Now, they are leading people to Christ.

I know they will still struggle. I know they will fall. I know they won’t always succeed. But I pray they will continue to live lives sold out to Christ. I pray that they will continue to be an example to all of us – young and old – of what Christ calls us to.

Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity. – 1 Timothy 4.12

Sometimes We Just Need to Move

I think too often we trust our hearts much more than we should. Even when we know our hearts are in the wrong place, we believe that’s where the change will begin; where the good will come from. The Bible doesn’t say that.

But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person. For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander. – Matthew 15.18-19

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? – Jeremiah 17.9

What we should rely on for change is the redemptive and regenerate work of Christ through the Holy Spirit. Christ cares about the condition of our hearts. He came to bring salvation and rebirth – that includes our hearts. I’m just not sure we have paid much attention to examples of change in the Bible or to Christ’s words.

We wait after hearing God’s call, believing or hoping that He will change our hearts on things before we are required to move or act, but that’s not the case.

Jesus didn’t instruct His first disciples to sit, think, and pray about following Him, and then when their hearts were right to come join Him. No, He just said, “Follow me,” (Matt. 4.7, 9.9; John 1.43)

He gives similar instruction to anyone who would be called His disciple. There is the same urgency; the same call to follow.

…”If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.” – Matt. 16.24

He doesn’t say think about it and when it feels right, take up your cross and follow. He says deny yourself, now, and take up your cross. He knows that our hearts will follow. He knows that what He has in store for us is better than anything we could plan ourselves, but he knows that in order to get there, we must get past ourselves.

Jesus isn’t about behavior modification. That’s not what this is about. Jesus cares deeply for our souls, but He knows that our hearts and souls are connected to our bodies. Our bodies can lead our hearts – either toward sin or toward Christ.

Has God showed you a particular sin in your life that you need to give up? Don’t wait until your heart is “ready” – it may never be. Just move. Is God leading you through an open door for a new ministry? Certainly take time to ask God for discernment and understanding of His call, but don’t expect your heart to fully be on board before you start. Your passion for it may never have an opportunity to flourish if you never experience it. Just move. Is God asking you to adopt or renew a discipline in your life? Don’t wait for your heart to get excited about it. Discipline means work, and that’s hard to get excited about. Just move.

There are times when our hearts are moved to change before our actions, but many times it is the willful act of discipline in the physical realm that leads our hearts to follow Christ with greater abandon. Sometimes we just need to move.