Pray, Sit, Watch, Listen

At our leadership dinner the other night at Grace Church, Matt Williams was talking about a particular ministry opportunity we may have in the future.  He shared how God seemed to be leading us in a certain direction with this opportunity, but there has been no “burning bush” moment, no audible voice regarding it.  So, he said, we will continue to pray, let it sit out there, and watch for doors to open or close.

This is essentially what I am doing right now with several things in my life.  I feel like God has started prompting me to make some movements in regards to missions and ministry, but I don’t feel like I have definite direction.  There seem to be several “options” out there, but I’m not sure which is the right one.  It’s possible that none of them is actually the correct direction.  That is easily an overwhelming thought for me.  Much anxiety surrounds the unknown and decisions about the future.

So when Matt shared where the church was and what we are doing in regards to this particular opportunity, I was comforted and encouraged.  I don’t feel so lost without all of the answers and I don’t feel like I’m proceeding or waiting in error.  God has called me to take some small steps in a few different directions, and I know that He will soon ask me to take some bigger steps.  With these steps, though, comes instruction.  As I move, God teaches.  My job is to listen.

Listening sometimes is the hardest part for me.  Action makes me feel productive.  Action feeds the achiever in me.  It is often a struggle for me to sit, pray, watch and listen.  But unless I can stop the busyness and quite myself, hearing from God is almost impossible.  And listening is imperative.  I feel like I’m on the cusp of change, but the direction is unknown.  God is giving me direction one step at a time.  I need to hear from Him.

So as I move, with each step, I must pause.  Pray, sit, watch, and listen.

The Wrong Step

Many times the reason I’m afraid to take the next step is that I’m worried it will be the wrong step.

I hate being wrong.  I hate the feeling that comes with being wrong – feeling ignorant, incapable, naïve.  It hurts my delicate pride.

Lately, as I have been searching for the next step, I feel like God is saying, “Even if you take a wrong step, which you will, you still need to take a step.”  He has been challenging me to move, to risk, to step.  He knows that I’m probably going to move in the wrong direction at some point.  And He knows I need to.

Here’s why…I’m typically very capable and in control.  That’s not me bragging or anything.  That’s just a reality of life for most of us.  I can easily rely on myself and my own strength to get things done.  I need to learn that my strength is not sufficient.  True strength is only found in my weakness.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” – 2 Corinthians 12.9

I need to learn that my plans are worthless without God directing. 

The heart of man plans his way,
but the LORD establishes his steps. – Proverbs 16.9

I believe God has to teach me these lessons now because I must be able to rely totally on Him in order to go where He is taking me.  I’m not sure where I’m headed but I know it will require faith.

And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him. – Hebrews 11.6

Ultimately, I need to be humbled to realize that I am not perfect.  I am not God.  I am not in control.  But I have access to and community with God, the controller of the universe who tells the sun to shine and the waves to crash.  He can handle the tiny steps and missteps of my life.

The Next Step

I’m a planner.  I like (good) surprises, but I’m a planner.  I like to make calculated decisions.  I like to be sure.

Guess how often I am sure about a decision I make…rarely…especially the important ones.

I feel like many times when God calls me to move, He is leading me down a path that is not well lit.  The next step is usually clear, but often only the next step is clear.  Sometimes all I see behind it is pitch-black darkness.  That scares me.

When I am scared, I grasp for control.  I frantically start planning more.  I try to “regain” control (as if I ever had it) and assuredly navigate my future, basing my moves solely on my own knowledge and strength.  Why I ever feel capable of this is beyond me.  What I need is discernment and faith.  What I need is to ask God not for the whole map, but for the next step.

God is not going to give me the map.  He knows better than to trust me with it.  He knows I can’t handle it – that if I saw the map, saw where He was taking me, I probably wouldn’t go.  I’m not ready for the whole trip.  But He has prepared me for the next step.  And He will continue to prepare me for each next step.  I must continue to follow with each step, trusting not in my strength and wisdom, but in the One who guides my steps.

I love the way the author of Proverbs puts it:

Let your eyes look directly forward,
and your gaze be straight before you.

Ponder the path of your feet;
then all your ways will be sure.

-       Proverbs 4.25-26

He doesn’t say, “Look as far into the distance as you can; ponder the path miles ahead of you.”  He says to look “directly forward” and at the “path of your feet.” 

We can only do this when we are sure of our God who goes before us.

“Be strong and courageous, …It is the LORD who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” – Deuteronomy 31.7-8

So as I look to the future, I cannot let the uncertainty paralyze me.  I must take the next step in obedience and trust that God is already there. 

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