God Had Something Else In Mind

I’m turning 27 later this week (which, by the way, is really weird to write because 27 is definitely “adult” and I’m not sure I’m a real adult – another thought for another day). I’ve been doing quite a bit of examining and thinking about my life lately. I’ve been trying to define my purpose, not just in life in general, but specifically in this stage, and asking God how that plays out in my career, relationships, and even geographic location.

As I’ve been kind of examining what my life looks like now, it made me think back to what I imagined it would look like years ago, when I thought about the future. If you had asked me 10 years ago what my life would look like in 10 years, I would not have described my current life. If you had asked me 5 years ago what my life would look like in 5 years, I would not have described my current life. I’m not sure if, 10 years ago, I would have even gotten close. I would have done a little better 5 years ago, but not much.

And here’s the thing – I could look at this as failure. I mean, there are so many goals I had as a 17 year old and as a 22 year old that I didn’t meet, and some of them I will never meet. Honestly, there are people who were a part of my life at 17 and 22 who do view those unmet goals as failure. And that they see failure in my life can really start to bother me if I let it because I care way too much about what people think of me.

But here’s the truth – God had something else in mind.

I heard Matt Williams speak those words a few weeks ago when he was speaking to Grace Church – Downtown. He was sharing about the journey that led to starting Grace, expanding campuses, and eventually starting the Downtown campus. He shared how the original vision for Grace Church was actually Downtown Greenville, but that God opened doors in other locations around Greenville first. God had something else in mind. I’m so thankful He did because I love what Grace Church is now and where we’re headed, and I know that the journey had much to do with that.

My life is a lot like Grace Church. I feel like God began giving me a vision for my life years ago, but then the doors He opened, and especially the doors He shut, did not always seem to correspond to that vision…at least not in the moment. A lot of the time, it felt as if I was actually moving away from the vision God gave me.

For example, one thing God showed me in college was how He has gifted me and given me a passion for discipleship. Then, He sent me to China. The first few months there, I spent a lot of time feeling like an evangelistic failure (especially compared to the gifted evangelists on my team). But what God was doing was elevating my view of the Gospel and its power, and teaching me how to communicate it effectively, both of which are integral parts of discipleship. After being in China for about a year, He opened the door for me to enter into some very rich discipleship relationships. God had something else in mind.

Since about my freshman year of college, God has been teaching me about Biblical womanhood and the high calling of being a wife and mother, something that, as I’ve shared before, was a major change in perspective for me. So, naturally, I assumed these lessons were preparing me to be married…which I am not. Over the past several years, this has frustrated me because I didn’t know why God would change my heart to desire to be a wife and mother if I wasn’t going to be married anytime soon. I thought it would have been much easier to keep my career-oriented perspective. What I am learning now (in large part thanks to the Ezer teaching at Grace Church) is that what God was really revealing in my heart was a desire to be an essential counterpart; to invite, nurture, and partner. One day, that may be in the context of marriage and family, but He desires for me to live out that calling in my current stage of life and in the relationships I have now. God had something else in mind.

So where will I be 5 years from now? Ten years? I have no idea. But that doesn’t mean I am without vision for my life. I believe that God has given me a purpose and a calling. That purpose and calling will look different as I enter into different stages in life and play different roles, but that doesn’t mean it will change. I’m still working on the wording of my purpose/vision, but I believe I have essentially been called to facilitate life-change through the Gospel and equip others to do the same.

So there you go. I haven’t heard of too many people who call “27” a milestone birthday, or even an important one. But I think it is for me. I’m looking forward to another year of unexpected challenges and blessings as I grow with my Father.