Chosen

I think it started in 5^th grade.  It was always in me; always a desire in my heart, but it really came out in 5^th grade.  Maybe it’s because that desire was at least partially fulfilled then or maybe I just came to a greater understanding of what my heart desired.

I’m talking about being chosen.  Being picked first.  Being favored.  Being loved.  Call it what you want – fear of man, arrogant, needy, self-centered – but we all desire to be chosen on some level.  It’s inside of us.  It’s rooted deep in our hearts.

In 5^th grade I changed schools.  I went from a private school where I felt alone and ostracized and very different than everyone else to a school where I almost immediately felt accepted.  I had a great relationship with my teacher and made friends quickly.  I was a pretty athletic kid, and it only took a couple days on the playground for the other kids to start picking me among the first for dodge ball or kickball or whatever.  I liked that. 

That continued through middle school.  I got picked first for sports.  Teachers would give me “special” projects or privileges.  I was president of clubs, gave speeches for different events, and had various other responsibilities. 

While I thought these things were fulfilling at the time, they were only increasing my desire to be chosen.  And while they were deepening that desire, they were also helping me buy into the lie that something besides Christ could satisfy my desire to be chosen.  I still believed in Christ and somewhat understood my need for Him in my life, but these idols clouded my vision of Him and damaged my relationship with Him.

Then at some point in high school, I realized that I wasn’t being chosen for as much.  I wasn’t the best at everything.  People didn’t pick me first for the team.  Guys didn’t ask me out.  Each disappointment came with its own heartbreak.  I got cut from my first team when I was 15.  I didn’t get into my first or second choice for college.  I wasn’t first in my class.  As each idol broke my heart, I was devastated.

I think we all experience some level of devastation at some time or another.  We all have idols that we think will satisfy our desires.  It’s rooted deep in our hearts.

But no matter how many times we’re picked first for the team, asked out by the dream guy, or chosen for a certain honor, we’ll never be completely fulfilled.  The only true fulfillment comes in being chosen and loved by Christ.  So many times, though, we look everywhere else to be fulfilled.  So many times, I turn my gaze to temporal things and imperfect people to fill the hole only Christ can fulfill. 

And the truly crazy thing is that He has already chosen us.  He chose us before we breathed our first.  He chose us before the foundation of the world.  He chose us, knowing that it would cost Him His glory in coming to the earth, being abused, and dying for us.  He chose us knowing that even as He conquered death in His resurrection, He would be rejected by those for whom He died.  And He chose us anyway.

I am chosen.  You are chosen.  We are chosen.

Living in the Truth

Many times, we, as followers of Christ, get distracted.  We turn our eyes off the Author and Perfecter of our faith.  We somehow forget that the Creator of the universe calls us His children, His beloved.  It is so easy for us to look to something on this earth to define our identity, to try to fulfill us.  That has been a major struggle for me lately.  Unless I constantly renew my mind and turn my gaze toward Him, I am completely defeated.  But when I do open my eyes to the truth, I hear Him say over and over again, "I chose you."

Recently a friend of mine wrote a blog about all of the blessings that we experience when we are identified with Christ.  I love the bold truth in her writing:

Though We Are Not, We Are

Continuing the Conversation - Articles

A friend of mine sent me this article earlier in the week, as he thought it went well with the Modesty series.  I agree. 

Lust: Not for Men Only

It's written by a woman, and it's not the typical perspective presented to the Christian community.  She sees what is going on in culture in general and in the culture of our churches and is not afraid to address it. 

Here's another article (that I found through links on the blog above) about women and lust, particularly pornography. 

Why More and More Women are Using Pornography

It is clear from this article that culture has a voice on this issue.  The church needs to, as well.

Modesty - all posts

Here are the links to all 5 posts about Modesty in case you missed one.  Enjoy!

Modesty
Modesty - Identity and Value Part 1
Modesty - Identity and Value Part 2
Modesty - Loving Well
Modesty - Instructing the Next Generation

Modesty - Instructing the Next Generation

“Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women…” – Titus 2.3-4

As I conclude this series of posts on modesty, I wanted to say a quick word about offering instruction and correction to the next generation of women.  I realize that my experience is relatively limited due to my age, but I also recognize that God has blessed me with knowledge from His Spirit and wonderful mentors and teachers who have helped shape me in the area of modesty.  So I feel that I have something to add to this conversation, and more importantly a responsibility to do so.

We, as older Christian women, have done the generations of women behind us a disservice by remaining silent many times on the issue of modesty.  Culture is not remaining silent.  Culture has a voice in this discussion, and that voice is telling our young women to be prettier, skinnier, and sexier.  Culture is putting value on appearance and finding identity in being desired by others.  Culture is not silent on this issue.  We cannot afford to be silent, either.

I’m not saying that all Christian women are silent, but we’re certainly not doing a great job of talking to our younger women.  I know that personally, no one instructed me individually on this issue as a child or teenager.  And I believe that’s what it’s going to take – one on one, real, honest conversations.  We can address this issue in large group teaching, but I don’t think it’s going to hit home the same way as it will with open dialogue.

These conversations will be awkward and difficult, but difficult conversations are much better than broken hearts and destructive behavior.  We need to get to the core heart issues of value and identity with these young women.  They need to understand that the Creator of the universe delights in them and has chosen them to be His daughters.  They need to see that our value cannot be determined by ourselves or anyone else because it was already determined by Christ when He died for us. 

They need to hear this from mothers and older women, and see it lived out in our lives.  They also desperately need to hear this from their fathers.  Dads, daughters need to hear you speak the words of Proverbs 31 and have you praise those qualities in them and in their mother.

“Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” – Proverbs 31.30

Young women need to be aware of the struggles of men and be taught how to love them well in light of this.  They need to learn how to put the needs and interests of others above themselves and their selfish desires.  They will not be aware of these struggles unless someone tells them.  I wasn’t.

We must be careful not to be harsh or judgmental in these conversations, but we must relay the importance and seriousness of the topic.  We need to love and affirm the young women in our lives.  We need to be an example for them and not be afraid to offer loving, gentle correction.

Yes, by having these conversations and offering correction, we are opening ourselves up to scrutiny based on what we wear and how we act.  We’re not perfect, and we will mess up.  We all struggle with this issue on some level.  What a great opportunity, though, to show them what it looks like to wrestle with these issues and accept correction when we need it.

We have an opportunity to shape the next generation and impact the direction of their lives.  We can be a part of God’s redemptive hand in their minds and hearts if we are willing.  If we are serious about following Christ and influencing the next generation for Him,  we cannot be silent.

Modesty - Loving Well

I was kind of a tomboy growing up.  I played sports and most of my friends were guys.  I was well versed in their lingo and jokes.  I could fit in with guys most of the time.  I thought I understood them pretty well.  And as I grew out of the tomboy stage, and started entering into the dating stage, I figured having guy friends would help me.  I figured being around guys more meant that I would understand them better.

I was wrong.  As similar as men and women are in many ways, there are so many ways in which we are different.  I was arrogant to think I understood all of that.  As I have grown and matured in my understanding Biblical manhood and womanhood, I have been privileged to also learn more about the way men are wired.  Though I still don’t completely understand all of it, my perspective has definitely changed.

One of the things I have learned is how men and women are affected differently by visual images, particularly sexual images.  While men and women both can be affected by these images, there is a particular battle that most men face in regards to this issue that is for the most part specific to their gender.  I can’t totally relate, but it’s important for me to be aware of and sensitive to this battle. 

It is important because if I am not aware and sensitive to the struggles of my brothers, I cannot love well as Christ has called me to.

…being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. – Philippians 2.2-4

But take care that this right of yours does not somehow become a stumbling block to the weak. For if anyone sees you who have knowledge eating in an idol’s temple, will he not be encouraged, if his conscience is weak, to eat food offered to idols? And so by your knowledge this weak person is destroyed, the brother for whom Christ died. Thus, sinning against your brothers and wounding their conscience when it is weak, you sin against Christ. Therefore, if food makes my brother stumble, I will never eat meat, lest I make my brother stumble. – 1 Corinthians 8.9-13

So the way I dress is not a matter of my freedom or my rights.  When I choose to follow Christ, I lay down all rights to myself – that includes my right to wear anything I want.  Even if my clothing had nothing to do with my approval or identity (which is not the case), I am still called to a higher standard out of love and respect for my brothers and for Christ.