The Difference a Year Makes

-with Betsy, my oh, so wise friend. :)

I moved to Greenville about a year and a half ago. I had been back from China for about 7 months and had already lived in 3 different places. I was ready to be settled. I was ready to actually unpack. I was looking forward to feeling like I was home.

As I was talking to a good friend about this, she lovingly encouraged me to give it time. As someone who had moved a few times, herself, she knew that having the feeling of being at home would take time. She knew I was craving community and she wanted that for me, but she knew that it wouldn’t happen right away.

At this point, though, I had moved several times, myself – once to a different state, and once to a different country. The thing about these moves, though, was that I was placed into an instant community – whether I wanted it or not. When I moved to college, I was automatically “in college” with thousands of other people my age and in my stage of life. It was (relatively) easy to find friends because everyone was looking for friends. When I moved to China, I immediately had the community of my team. I didn’t have to search for community. It was given to me, though it took much grace from God to make it work.

So when my friend said it would take some time to have community, I believed her, but I didn’t realize just what she meant. Then, she made it very clear. I’ll never forget what she said. “It takes about a year until you get that phone call just to see if you want to grab dinner or talk.”

A year?! Are you kidding me?! That’s a really long time to be waiting on community. Now, I wasn’t sitting by myself for an entire year. I hung out with people and had friends. But it really was a year before I felt like I had community; before I felt like this was home.

Now, some of you may not have had this experience. Community may have happened faster for you, or it may have been much slower in coming. Either way, though, developing community always has a common denominator: effort.

Community takes effort. It takes you being open, vulnerable, honest, sacrificial, loving, caring, and deliberate. It means you have to think of others as greater than yourself. It means you have to put your time and energy into it. Community doesn’t just happen. That’s why the writer of Hebrews encourages us in “not neglecting to meet together” (Heb. 10.25); because if we neglect it, it doesn’t just happen on its own.

I am thankful for the time that God ordained for me to wait on community. He taught me a lot about myself, and, more importantly, He taught me a lot about Himself and His faithfulness. He showed me how to draw near and cling to Him when I felt like there was no one else there, and He showed me what it felt like when I refused to draw near to Him.

I believe that time was so important for my relationship with God, as well as my future relationship with others. I am so thankful for the community I have now, though. I’m thankful that I can call a friend just to talk or grab coffee. I’m thankful that I can text a friend when something really awkward happens and she can laugh with me (or at me). I’m thankful I have friends with 4WD who will pick me up when I’m snowed in. I’m thankful that I can invite myself over to a family’s house for dinner and really feel like part of the family. I’m thankful for encouragement from friends, and I’m thankful for challenges from friends.

But none of that happened without effort. I would not have those same relationships without letting people into my life. It took me years to learn how to open up and let people in, and it was one of the more challenging, scary things God has taught me how to do. It’s very risky, but it’s also very rewarding. More than that, though, it’s what God has called us to do.

And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. – Hebrews 10.24-25