I mentioned in a previous post that it took me several years to learn how to live in true community; to open up and let people in my life. When I started college, God was in the process of turning my life upside down, giving me the choice of being a marginal Christian or truly living for Him. Much of the growth I experienced, especially in that first year of college was in huge spurts. Being in community, however, was not like that.
As an 18 year old, college freshman, I was very independent. I had been pretty independent for years at that point. There were different personality traits and experiences that shaped my independence up to that point. At the time, I didn’t realize all of the driving forces behind my independence, and I didn’t really care what they were because I viewed my independence as a good thing – a strength. I thought college was supposed to exponentially increase my independence. I’m so glad the exact opposite happened.
In a lot of ways, college does increase independence, and that’s a good thing. If you’re 25 and your mom still does your laundry, that’s a problem. However, my independence that had been developing up to that point wasn’t so much leading to being a capable, functioning adult as it was being an island…with a fortress. The way I saw things, letting people in your life only led to pain and disaster. And “needing” people? That was not me. I never wanted to depend on or need anyone for anything. That was a sign of weakness. I wasn’t weak...
Only, I was weak. I was guarded. I didn’t trust anyone. I certainly didn’t see others as more important than myself. Sure, I wanted to help people, but not at the cost of letting them on my island or into my life. I didn’t value people as God’s children. I didn’t value community as a gift God gave us to teach us about Himself and draw us closer to Him. If you got to know even a portion of my life, you were the exception. The only person I knew I could trust was me.
So what happened?
God began changing me, both from the inside out and from the outside in. He began to soften my heart and break down the walls that I had continued to build for years, and he also brought amazing people into my life to shape me and show me true community.
He brought one friend into my life who showed me how to be open about my past. She shared her story with me, not in a way that glorified her sin, but in a way that didn’t mask her sin. In doing that, she magnified God’s glory and grace, and also helped me to not be scared of honestly sharing my story. She did not wait for me to open up to her, but willingly shared with me, trusting God to use it to impact me. She, as Jon Acuff says, gave me the “gift of going second.” If we want to create community that truly changes lives for Christ, we can’t be afraid of going first. Thanks, Alexis.
He also brought a family into my life who just opened their lives up to me completely. They welcomed me into their family and taught me so much about what a Godly family looks like. They taught me how to be open with people and love my brothers and sisters in Christ as Christ instructed us to. Betsy, in particular, taught me much about being a Biblical wife and mother. God brought her into my life during a time when He was changing my views of career, life goals, and submission in marriage. I am so thankful for their transparency and obedience to God in family and ministry. Thanks, Yangs.
These are certainly not the only people God has used in my life to influence me. There are countless others, and God continues to bring people into my life to sharpen me and draw me closer to Him. (He has to use lots of people because I can be dense and stubborn and not get the lesson the first…or tenth time.) These two examples, though, perfectly describe a huge part of community – being willing to be open and inviting first.
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