Thankful - Community

And they devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. And awe came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles. And all who believed were together and had all things in common. And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved. – Acts 2.42-47

I love this passage. I love how the family of God is described. I love how their focus is outward, how they are concerned for everyone but self. I love that they spend time together, pray together, eat together, and sing together. I love that they willingly and joyfully meet needs.

I love that I have this kind of community.

The past couple weeks have been incredibly difficult. There is a lot going on in my life, in my job, and in my family. It has been stressful and chaotic. There is a part of me that would try to handle all of it myself; bear all of the weight myself. I am always tempted to just handle my own business so that I am not a burden on anyone. It’s very appealing to me to not burden anyone else.

But nowhere in the passage from Acts does it say, “…and whatever you do, don’t inconvenience or burden anyone else.” If no one ever expressed any need, the people in the early church would not have had the opportunity to sell their possessions and meet those needs. And if I never shared any needs, no one would have the opportunity to bless me.

It has been difficult, but over the past couple weeks, I have sent emails, made phone calls, and had conversations with numerous people – all of whom genuinely wanted to hear how I was doing. They truly wanted to hear what was going on. They wanted to pray for me and with me. They carried my burden with joy.

It is so humbling to ask for help, to express need, and I am really bad at it. I still refuse to ask for help many times that I need it. But when I am able to humble myself and ask, the blessing that comes is more than sufficient to cover the pride that I have lost.

Shallow Small Group

My friend (and co-leader in a Bible study) sent me this video today. I love it. (No worries, though, it's not exactly my philosophy.)

"...because when things get too deep, people drown."

Learning Community (Part 2)

The last post ended with the idea that to create and cultivate community, we must be open and inviting. In order to be open and inviting, though, God had to teach me about trust. I was unwilling to trust people because I had been hurt in the past and didn’t want to risk getting hurt again. I was scared to give other people the power and control to influence and impact my life because they might cause me pain. Here’s what He taught me: I am not in control and people will hurt me.

I spent so much time and energy trying to protect myself from getting hurt by people, and you know what? I still got hurt. And do you know why that is? We are sinners. Sin is destructive and painful. Sin grieves the heart of God and sin hurts people. My sin hurts other people and their sin hurts me. We were created to be in relationship with God and with people. Sin breaks those relationships and causes pain.

And I have no control over what other people say and do. They may do or say something to me to hurt me. They may say something about me that hurts me. They may reject me. I cannot control that. I cannot trust that every person I meet will never cause me pain.

What I can trust is God.

This has been a long, ongoing process for me. A book I read several years ago (I think it was “Louder than Words” by Andy Stanley, but I’m not sure), helped me work through developing community and relationships. The book talks about being able to trust God with other people – believers and nonbelievers. We can trust that our just and faithful God will deal rightly with all injustices that have been committed against us. We can also trust that the blood of His Son on the cross covers any wrong committed by believers against us.

God created us for community. It is part of His perfect plan. He intended for us to be in community with Him and with others. He knew that we would corrupt it with sin, and He also knew that He would redeem it through the blood of His Son. Reconciliation is possible because of Christ’s death.

Paul tells us:

From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard him thus no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. – 2 Corinthians 5.16-21

Community is difficult. It’s risky. Community requires much of us. It requires us to be vulnerable, open, and honest with people, and those people may hurt us. Community requires us to give of ourselves and put others before ourselves. Community requires us to trust Jesus, more than we trust ourselves, with our relationships.

Community was something that Jesus sought for us. He prayed to His Father on our behalf that we would have community not only with Him, but also with each other.

My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. – John 17.20-23

If Jesus viewed community and relationships as important, then we should, too.

Learning Community (Part 1)

- Wonderful ladies who have influenced my life.

I mentioned in a previous post that it took me several years to learn how to live in true community; to open up and let people in my life. When I started college, God was in the process of turning my life upside down, giving me the choice of being a marginal Christian or truly living for Him. Much of the growth I experienced, especially in that first year of college was in huge spurts. Being in community, however, was not like that.

As an 18 year old, college freshman, I was very independent. I had been pretty independent for years at that point. There were different personality traits and experiences that shaped my independence up to that point. At the time, I didn’t realize all of the driving forces behind my independence, and I didn’t really care what they were because I viewed my independence as a good thing – a strength. I thought college was supposed to exponentially increase my independence. I’m so glad the exact opposite happened.

In a lot of ways, college does increase independence, and that’s a good thing. If you’re 25 and your mom still does your laundry, that’s a problem. However, my independence that had been developing up to that point wasn’t so much leading to being a capable, functioning adult as it was being an island…with a fortress. The way I saw things, letting people in your life only led to pain and disaster. And “needing” people? That was not me. I never wanted to depend on or need anyone for anything. That was a sign of weakness. I wasn’t weak...

Only, I was weak. I was guarded. I didn’t trust anyone. I certainly didn’t see others as more important than myself. Sure, I wanted to help people, but not at the cost of letting them on my island or into my life. I didn’t value people as God’s children. I didn’t value community as a gift God gave us to teach us about Himself and draw us closer to Him. If you got to know even a portion of my life, you were the exception. The only person I knew I could trust was me.

So what happened?

God began changing me, both from the inside out and from the outside in. He began to soften my heart and break down the walls that I had continued to build for years, and he also brought amazing people into my life to shape me and show me true community.

He brought one friend into my life who showed me how to be open about my past. She shared her story with me, not in a way that glorified her sin, but in a way that didn’t mask her sin. In doing that, she magnified God’s glory and grace, and also helped me to not be scared of honestly sharing my story. She did not wait for me to open up to her, but willingly shared with me, trusting God to use it to impact me. She, as Jon Acuff says, gave me the “gift of going second.” If we want to create community that truly changes lives for Christ, we can’t be afraid of going first. Thanks, Alexis.

He also brought a family into my life who just opened their lives up to me completely. They welcomed me into their family and taught me so much about what a Godly family looks like. They taught me how to be open with people and love my brothers and sisters in Christ as Christ instructed us to. Betsy, in particular, taught me much about being a Biblical wife and mother. God brought her into my life during a time when He was changing my views of career, life goals, and submission in marriage. I am so thankful for their transparency and obedience to God in family and ministry. Thanks, Yangs.

These are certainly not the only people God has used in my life to influence me. There are countless others, and God continues to bring people into my life to sharpen me and draw me closer to Him. (He has to use lots of people because I can be dense and stubborn and not get the lesson the first…or tenth time.) These two examples, though, perfectly describe a huge part of community – being willing to be open and inviting first.

[See Part 2 for more on Learning Community]

The Difference a Year Makes

-with Betsy, my oh, so wise friend. :)

I moved to Greenville about a year and a half ago. I had been back from China for about 7 months and had already lived in 3 different places. I was ready to be settled. I was ready to actually unpack. I was looking forward to feeling like I was home.

As I was talking to a good friend about this, she lovingly encouraged me to give it time. As someone who had moved a few times, herself, she knew that having the feeling of being at home would take time. She knew I was craving community and she wanted that for me, but she knew that it wouldn’t happen right away.

At this point, though, I had moved several times, myself – once to a different state, and once to a different country. The thing about these moves, though, was that I was placed into an instant community – whether I wanted it or not. When I moved to college, I was automatically “in college” with thousands of other people my age and in my stage of life. It was (relatively) easy to find friends because everyone was looking for friends. When I moved to China, I immediately had the community of my team. I didn’t have to search for community. It was given to me, though it took much grace from God to make it work.

So when my friend said it would take some time to have community, I believed her, but I didn’t realize just what she meant. Then, she made it very clear. I’ll never forget what she said. “It takes about a year until you get that phone call just to see if you want to grab dinner or talk.”

A year?! Are you kidding me?! That’s a really long time to be waiting on community. Now, I wasn’t sitting by myself for an entire year. I hung out with people and had friends. But it really was a year before I felt like I had community; before I felt like this was home.

Now, some of you may not have had this experience. Community may have happened faster for you, or it may have been much slower in coming. Either way, though, developing community always has a common denominator: effort.

Community takes effort. It takes you being open, vulnerable, honest, sacrificial, loving, caring, and deliberate. It means you have to think of others as greater than yourself. It means you have to put your time and energy into it. Community doesn’t just happen. That’s why the writer of Hebrews encourages us in “not neglecting to meet together” (Heb. 10.25); because if we neglect it, it doesn’t just happen on its own.

I am thankful for the time that God ordained for me to wait on community. He taught me a lot about myself, and, more importantly, He taught me a lot about Himself and His faithfulness. He showed me how to draw near and cling to Him when I felt like there was no one else there, and He showed me what it felt like when I refused to draw near to Him.

I believe that time was so important for my relationship with God, as well as my future relationship with others. I am so thankful for the community I have now, though. I’m thankful that I can call a friend just to talk or grab coffee. I’m thankful that I can text a friend when something really awkward happens and she can laugh with me (or at me). I’m thankful I have friends with 4WD who will pick me up when I’m snowed in. I’m thankful that I can invite myself over to a family’s house for dinner and really feel like part of the family. I’m thankful for encouragement from friends, and I’m thankful for challenges from friends.

But none of that happened without effort. I would not have those same relationships without letting people into my life. It took me years to learn how to open up and let people in, and it was one of the more challenging, scary things God has taught me how to do. It’s very risky, but it’s also very rewarding. More than that, though, it’s what God has called us to do.

And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. – Hebrews 10.24-25

Deeper Community

This article was on the Resurgence a couple days ago. It gives some great, practical direction for growing community. I thought it was a great followup to the video from yesterday.

Delving Deeper in Gospel Conversations

Jonathan Dodson » Evangelism Heart Gospel Counseling Community

View the Leading Gospel Conversations series

Listening to others by asking good questions, empathizing with their struggle, and discerning their heart’s desires and beliefs only gets us half-way to good gospel conversation. To bless one another with true, Christ-shaped counsel, we need to reveal the gospel in each other's story. Here are a few ways to lovingly make the gospel-turn in conversation.

Apply the Gospel to your own story

It is important that the conversation-leader be a “lead repenter” when answering heart-penetrating questions. This does not mean you are the first to answer the question; however, you must come to the gathering prepared to share how the Spirit has led you to repentance in your own life. Lead-repenting begins at home in your heart and naturally carries over into how you lead during gatherings. Be bold with your brokenness and invite words of correction and encouragement.

• Confess your own sin & idolatry. Ask for prayer, help, and encouragement in your own life.
• Apply the gospel to yourself. We often become focused on discerning the wounds and cracks in others' hearts and forget to apply the gospel to our own hearts first. Let your community see you applying the healing balm of the gospel to your own wounds. This will dissolve a self-righteous hierarchy, as well as show them how to apply the gospel to their own lives.

• Lead with grace. When revealing the gospel in other people’s story, the goal is not to rebuke publicly, but rather to graciously point them through their circumstances to Christ who is present in their struggle.

Listen well

Listen to a person’s story and re-tell it back to them, but with the gospel of grace in the middle. Your goal is to show how Jesus is better than what their fear, desire, or feelings are about their circumstance. Do it in a way that reveals that Jesus is not a miracle drug, but a crucial and concrete component of their lives. Demonstrate that Jesus is the only key to fit the lock of their problems.

• Say nothing. At times, no words are needed. While talking, a person will often verbally correct his wrong motives and actions. Affirm him in his conclusions and point him to Jesus, who is sufficient for his failures and strong for his successes.
  

• Graciously expose lies. Ask if there is a lie they are tempted to believe. As sin surfaces, it is very tempting to either shift the blame or dismiss anger, despair, or lust because of difficult circumstances. It is loving to reveal blame-shifting and sin-skirting to guide one another into the joy of the Lord.

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Let your community see you applying the healing balm of the gospel to your own wounds.

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• Blame-shifting. We are often tempted to lay blame on our circumstances. For instance, we might blame our sexual sin or overeating on the absence of a girlfriend, boyfriend, or spouse. We might explain our anger by saying, “It’s the kids’ fault.” You may be angry or depressed because you aren’t married, so you say: “There are too many married people in this group or church.”
• Sin-skirting. As a community that speaks the truth in love, we have an obligation to not allow one another to skirt sin with moralism or indifference. For example, “Yeah, I’d be angry too,” “It will get better,” or “Don’t be a doormat!”

Delve deeper by asking good questions

Prompt a more meaningful conversation with questions that illicit thoughtful answers:

• How does our passage address your heart issues?
  
• What alternative promise does Scripture offer us?
  
• Can you think of any Bible stories, parables, promises, or truths that would help us here?
• How does the gospel address this?
• How does Jesus supplant and replace our idol of success? We know Jesus is better, but how?

Encouragement is key

It is important to acknowledge the work people do in sharing their insights. What grace can you affirm in their life? What victory can you celebrate? What progress have you seen in their faith? By following up with a few encouraging statements, a person is more likely to keep sharing, searching, and seeking God out.

http://theresurgence.com/2011/01/10/delving-deeper-in-gospel-conversations

Missional Community

I saw this video on the Resurgence blog and really liked it. There are 2 main things I liked about it.

First, I think it's a great perspective on community, particularly Biblical community. We, as brothers and sisters in Christ, are already united for a cause...and it's not ourselves. We need to remember that the point of our communities within church is not to better ourselves, but to serve others, ultimately for the purpose of introducing people to Christ and helping facilitate their growth in Him.

Second, I love how Matt Carter is open to seeing Gospel truths all around him in life and culture, and actively applies them to his life, community, and mission. Too often, I think we miss important lessons God has to teach us from culture and other people around us because we have our "church blinders" on and are unwilling to listen to anything that might "disturb" our beliefs or faith. There are obviously things we, as believers, must refrain from or avoid, but we are absolutely called to be in this world, and we cannot do that with closed eyes and ears.

More to come on community, but for now, enjoy the video.